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Heart To Heart

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Sex Addiction

Q: I am 25-years-old. Please help me out. I am extremely frustrated and not at all able to concentrate on my work because of my problem. Sometimes I even feel like doing suicide. I had tried doing sex with 3 different females, but failed. I simply am not able to get an erection. All the 3 girls left me because of this problem. Why is it so? Is it because I masturbate a lot, sometimes 3-4 times a day? I do have this habit of watching porn. During the early years, I watched porn almost daily and masturbated, sometimes without sleeping at night. Is everything normal with me?
A: Your extreme frustration and thoughts of suicide are serious signs that require urgent medical attention. Do consult a psychiatrist at your earliest.
Masturbation per se does not affect sexual capability of a person, however the obsession of masturbation can affect your body-mind in many ways. You have admitted your addiction to pornography and being obsessive about masturbation. This behavior falls under the category of ‘sex addiction’ which definitely can lead to sexual dysfunctions. Once you are settled with the acute nature of your frustration and suicidal thoughts, do consult a sex counsellor to get some help for your sex addiction.

‘Emotional Closure’ with your wife

Q: I am a male aged above 30. I am married and have a child. My wife left me a year ago and does not want any relation with me. She is not even divorcing me, and always asks me to take that step. I do not want to hurt her, but she is just not ready to amend things between us. What should I do? Should I try finding love with someone else, someone who understands me? I feel very lonely at times. Please help.
A: It is important to know the reason your wife has separated from you, in order to know whether a reconciliation is possible or not. However, there will have to be a counsellor’s intervention so that the reasonable needs of both partners are taken into consideration before deciding. If the reasons given by her are valid and if her reasonable needs are not being satisfied by you in the relationship, and if you do not even admit it or do not want to do anything about it from your side, then a divorce is inevitable. In that case you need to get into personal counselling to understand yourself better before getting into another relationship. This is extremely important or else you may land up in a similar position again. It is also possible that your wife has her own issues which have nothing to do with you. In that case, if she is not willing to admit and work on her own issues, a divorce is again inevitable.

In either case, it would be worthwhile seeing a counsellor to discuss the issue at length. This will help you gain an insight about yourself and about what kind of stimulus you put forth in your relationships. This will enable you to remove any contaminants that you may be bringing to the relationship and learn to contribute more positively in any relationship. You will also be able to have an ‘emotional closure’ with your wife and move on in your life on a healthy note.

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Sex Addiction
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Select Sun sign:
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)You may receive an offer for work or business from overseas. Try to postpone important decisions for a while yet. There could be some other pressing issues that require your attention. Family life is happy but there could be undercurrents of tension. Your mate may be feeling off color today.
Tarot for Love
Select Sun sign:
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)What the cards say: You are seeking fresh opportunities in love. Be discerning. Path: Life moves in a circle what goes down is bound to come up. So chin up. Don’t be disappointed or sad. Things will improve. Ally: Sagittarius will understand you and cheer you. Be a little careful with critical Virgo. Card for the week: Is the Tarot key XVIII, The Moon. Indicating that imagination could be more active this week.
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