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heart to heart

Monday, April 02, 2012

Long distance relationship
I am in a long distance relationship with a girl who stays abroad. I love her a lot. She also loves me. But after her mother’s demise last July, she’s not remained the same. She is too busy with her house work and studies, so she hardly contacts me. I don’t get a normal response. When I talked to her about this, she says that she sincerely loves me and wants to marry me too. What confuses me is her behavior. Sometimes she expresses profound love, at other times she acts as if she hardly cares for me. I can’t believe that she is too busy to even sms me. We just got our relationship started afresh this July. She used to call me, mail me, sms me...but later all these have stopped. It has been a month now. She doesn’t even reply to my sms. I don’t know what should I do? The last time I met her online, she didn’t reply to me, she went offline and after sometime and smsed me that she was ill and she would contact me later. Then I get her sms saying I am always in her heart and if she is not able to reply me, doesn’t mean that she’s forgotten me. But does her behaviour seem reasonable? Work remains same all the time. If she was able to contact me then, why not now. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

Long distance relationships are always difficult, and not too many of them last. So first of all be realistic. Secondly, there is a chance that she enjoys contact with you but is not too serious about the relationship, which is her prerogative. After all it’s a free world. However, she maybe hesitating to say this to you for fear of hurting you. If this is the case, then it would be wise and in the interest of both of you, that you ask her to be frank with you. When you say this, you need to assure her beyond doubt that you will be okay with either answer, and will not embarrass her by insisting and questioning her. This is the only way that you will know for sure what’s in her mind and heart.

However, it is also possible that she really does care for you, but is truly pre-occupied since her mother’s demise and genuinely has more on her plate than she can handle. In that case, instead of asking whether she is a good friend to you, you need to ask yourself the question, “Am I a good friend to her?”

Frequency of masturbation
I read in one of your answers that masturbation is harmless; however, there has to be some safe limit to its frequency. Kindly clarify.

There is absolutely no ‘numerical’ safety limit to how many times in a day a person should or can practice masturbation. It is a matter of concern only when masturbation becomes a continuous preoccupation and is so frequent that it significantly starts interfering with other aspects of the person’s life. For instance, if a young man/woman defocuses from his/her career or academics or stops socialising because all he/she wants to do is to masturbate, he/she may lose out on career opportunities and/or become socially withdrawn which can create its own problems. Otherwise, pleasuring oneself through masturbation is enjoyable and absolutely safe.

l Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27. Tel: 22184528 / 9821093902. Email: [email protected] www.hearttoheartindia.net

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