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heart to heart

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Safe frequency of sex
We are married for eight months. My husband has a different nature. He wants to have sex daily 3 or 4 times. Is it safe to have sex that often?

As far as safety is concerned, that is not a problem. But are you comfortable with it physically and emotionally? That is the issue. Sex should be a mutually pleasurable activity and a sharing of intimacy. If it is not so for you then you need to have a frank talk with him about how you feel about it, or then both of you could see a sex counsellor. If he cares for you, both of you will be able to negotiate and come up with a win-win situation, where both of you are appropriately satisfied.

Learn to discern
I am a 20-year-old college student. I am sexually attracted towards a 41-year-old single woman staying in our society. Very often I masturbate fantasising about having sex with her. Should I propose actual physical intimacy to her?

She is 41 and you are 20. The biologically maturing man in you is feeling attracted to a biologically full-blown woman. That is a natural occurrence. But a human being is not just confined to his biology. He has been gifted with “discrimination”, something that animals do not possess. Use this power to discriminate and discern, and you will see for yourself that nurturing thoughts about this woman can only leave you psychologically de-stabilised with immense psychological scars.

There are three levels of functioning in a person – the level of ‘experience’, the level of ‘awareness of the experience’ and the level of ‘decision’. If you are experiencing attraction and are aware of what you are experiencing, it is OK till that point. But when you nurse and nurture this attraction in your fantasies, and also want to translate your fantasies into reality, I must say that you are walking on a “self-destructive path”.

Get out of this situation immediately. Do not nurse or nurture, but in fact ‘actively’ discourage thoughts of this woman. What you need to do is to get going in the real world and mingle with those in your age group.

  • Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27. Tel: 22184528 / 9821093902. Email: [email protected] www.hearttoheartindia.net
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)A much-awaited assignment is delayed. Some insecurity could creep in. Keep a low profile and don’t make impulsive decisions. You may feel depressed and not want to do anything. The antics of youngsters and your beloved will help you to come out of your gloomy mood.
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
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