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Heart to Heart

Friday, June 03, 2011

Myth of simultaneous orgasms
We have been married since two years and have never had an orgasm at the same time. I always thought this was something most couples enjoyed and it seems like it would be wonderful to experience it. Is it really all that important, or should we give up trying?
It truly isn’t all that important! The myth, that experiencing simultaneous orgasms is the epitome of sexual satisfaction, is based on various false assumptions. First, it assumes that two individuals get sexually aroused and then respond at the same pace. This is quite unlikely! Second, it assumes that ‘goal-oriented’ sexual act is more satisfying than ‘pleasure-oriented’ sex. Quite the opposite, goal-oriented sexual acts can greatly interfere with satisfaction, by introducing an insistent demanding attitude, anxiety and often a feeling of failure, all of which can impede the body’s natural response mechanism.
Goal-oriented sexual act requires a wife to be orgasmic during intercourse, which may not be the case always. It also assumes that she will only have one single orgasm and so she has to time that orgasm to occur when her husband is about to ejaculate. Women have the ability to experience more than one orgasm and it is more likely that a woman who has multiple orgasms, may have one when her husband ejaculates. Even then it works best when it is simply allowed to ‘happen naturally’, rather than worked towards as a goal.
As put by one woman, “I wouldn’t want to orgasm when he does, because then I would miss out on his!” Many couples like better to enjoy each other’s orgasms. That way, you can double your pleasure!

Women deriving sexual pleasure

I am 25-year-old housewife. I want to know: does sex give physical pleasure only to men, while women can enjoy only emotional pleasure? In my married life of last three years, I have never derived any physical pleasure out of sex. Can sex be equally pleasurable for both men and women? Please clarify.
Yes of course, sex can and should be equally pleasurable for women. Women can and should be actively involved in the sexual act. Most women enjoy emotional intimacy as do some men, but this does not mean that they do not enjoy the physical pleasure. In fact, a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality is capable of enjoying much more than a man, because she is capable of experiencing multiple orgasms, unlike men who lose their erection after ejaculation. Women have been conditioned to believe that an open display of passion during sex is ‘unladylike’ and they fear being labelled as ‘nymphomaniacs’. This is the reason why women rarely give in to their natural physical urges and why they don’t uninhibitedly indulge in sex with unbridled passion. In reality, because women are capable of multiple orgasms, the men in our male dominated society, due to their own fear of not being able to satisfy the woman, have conditioned women to believe that they are supposed to be the passive partner in sex and that active sex is a male domain.
To ensure that you reach orgasm, it is better to adopt the ‘woman on top’ position as you are more aware of your pleasure points and thus can ensure the correct stimulus.

  • Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,
    10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
    Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 / 22184528 / 9821093902 
    Email: [email protected]
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Alumnus of Indian Institute of Technology (IIT) t
First diagnose the problem
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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