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Heart To Heart

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Inner Unrest
I am really very uneasy and disturbed. I started liking one girl in my class since few months. I think and fantasize about her often. She is single and very beautiful. She does not respond to me and will also be shifting to another town with her family. This is causing a lot of pain in my heart. The whole atmosphere at my home is also sad as my parents don’t get along and fight openly and bitterly.  I need someone to love in my life. What should I do?

I can feel the agony in your words. It is clear that you are not happy with the environment at home and are looking for a ‘home away from home’, which is why you are so emotionally needy of a relationship. It is also very clear that this girl you talk about is not responding to your overtures. Therefore, pursuing her in reality or in fantasy will get you nowhere except ‘down in the dumps’. Let her go. It is now imperative that you create a life for yourself, which will increase your self-worth. ‘Beauty is not skin deep’ – every person is endowed with unique qualities, which need to be fully utilized to make a unique contribution to society. You are no exception. Therefore, get going and be ‘the best of who you can be’. Educate yourself, identify your talents and get training to exploit them to the maximum, remain socially active by taking some courses, doing some community work and participating in group activities in college and even otherwise. In this way you will increase your self-worth and get out of your ‘neediness’. Also, try to understand and forgive your parents for the family atmosphere as they are living in the only way they know how to live. This will free you of the inner unrest that you are experiencing, and keep you in the right ‘space’ to welcome a companion in your life. Don’t be in a hurry. Wait for the one who likes you for who you are. In the meantime, move towards being the best of who you can be.

Why Indian Girls are so shy?
I am 25 year old single man of Indian origin. I have lived in USA most of my life. I am frustrated over one thing. I just wanted to know why girls in India feel so shy to have sex and feel inhibited during sexual act though they enjoy sex. Why is it so? While in USA I found many American girls who are nymphomaniacs. Why are Indian girls so repressed?

Women have been conditioned to believe that an open display of passion during sex is ‘unladylike’, and they fear being labelled as ‘nymphomaniacs’. This is the reason why women rarely give in to their natural physical urges and why they don’t uninhibitedly indulge in sex with an unbridled passion. In actuality, women are capable of multiple orgasms and therefore, the men in our male dominated society, due to their own fear of not being able to satisfy the woman, has conditioned women to believe that they are supposed to be the passive partner in sex and that active sex is a male domain.

Loss Of Semen In Sleep
Does loss of semen in sleep or in any manner affect the physical or sexual health of a person?

Semen is simply a mixture of the products of three glands. Secretions of the Seminal vesicles constitute 60% of semen, and the secretions of the Prostate gland constitute 30% of the semen. Sperms constitute only 10% of the semen quantity. These glands function throughout your life after the puberty and continue to be capable of producing their secretions. Some boys worry that if they ejaculate too often, they will reduce the amount of semen in their body. They worry that they may run out of semen and won't have enough when they need it. This can NEVER happen. A man will make sperms and semen from the start of puberty till his dying day. Also, remember that there is no way that too much sperm and semen can accumulate or build pressure in our body. Our body is a perfectly-tuned machine. Our body has ways to get rid of excess sperms and semen, one of them being nightfall (nocturnal ejaculation).

Sagging Breasts & Self-Esteem
I am 26 yrs old. I have a very kind husband. But when he comments about my sagging breasts (I don't know the exact cause of it) I really get depressed and upset. Please help me to find a way to solve this problem. Is there any special exercise to bring it to normal shape? Please help...

You have mentioned that you have a kind husband. It would be good to communicate to him about how you feel when you hear his comments on your breasts. He may be thinking that you are okay with the comments. Also he needs to be educated on the fact that the perfect breasts are a myth and that all the so-called perfect breasts are due to wonder-bras or silicon implants. By the way there are no exercises that can remedy the situation truly. It is very important that you do not allow your self-esteem to be affected by comments about your body. You are not confined to your body. In fact sexual satisfaction between partners does not depend on the statistics of either partner, but on how comfortable you are with your body image and how sensual and free you are during the act. You need to generally keep fit for health reasons, but do not obsess over certain parts of your body. Be comfortable with the way you are, and allow your sensuality to flow. If you can do that , your husband will have a pleasant surprise. He will soon forget your statistics and get involved in your unrestricted sensuality. No one can take away your self-worth unless you yourself allow it to happen. Celebrate the gift of your body and enjoy it.

Erectile Dysfunction
I am married for seven years. My age is 34. Lately, since last six months or so, I am finding difficulty in getting erection during intercourse. Even if I get one, it is invariably weak and soft. What should I do to get this problem cured?

Your condition is medically termed as erectile dysfunction. The treatment depends on the cause of your erectile dysfunction. There are many organic (physical) as well as psychogenic causes for this problem. If it is due to psychogenic or situational causes, the treatment will be “sex counselling” and “supportive therapy”. If the cause is organic or constitutional, then appropriate medical or surgical measures will have to be undertaken. It is necessary to find out the cause (diagnosis) of this problem first, through history taking, examination and investigations. Once the cause is found, only then can the treatment be advised.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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