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Heart To Heart

Monday, December 31, 2018

Holiday romances
I am presently in Europe and in one of the holiday trip I came to know a girl. We had some nice time talking about various subjects and started knowing each other. But as always after the trip was over we had to go back to our respective cities. I had her cell phone number and wrote an SMS and called her on her mailbox. But unfortunately she did not reply me back. I started liking her and now I am little upset. Please suggest what I should do?

Holiday romances rarely have Hollywood endings. In this case it seems more like a one-sided romance. She quite clearly wants you to just be a friend in passing. Anyway, long-distance relationships, even if two-sided, usually fizzle out after a while, because there maybe more dynamic relationships available around. I would say, it’s high time you get back from your European rendezvous and get ready to welcome that lovely ‘someone’ into your life. Of course that will only happen if you are fully ‘here and now’ instead of ‘there and then’. Come on; enter the ‘real world’.

Children asking about sex
I am a mother of two growing children who have asked me questions about sex. I know, I need to talk to them about sex. I wonder, why do I feel uncomfortable talking about Sex with my children? What do I do about it?

Majority of the parents feel this way, and it is not surprising. Invariably reasons are as follows ~ Many of us have learnt that sex is too ‘dirty’ for words.

Many of us feel that talking about sex & sexuality is rather indecent, crude and uncultured.

Many of us are simply afraid that we do not have all the right answers.

It is hard for many of us to accept that our children are ‘sexual’.

For some of us, it is even tougher to admit that we are sexual.

Some of us “fear” the possible sexual feelings between our children and us.

But parents can be open with children about their feelings. You can use an opening line like, “This is difficult for me to talk about. I never discussed these
things with my own parents. But I want you to have someone to talk with, so feel free to ask me”.

Do not cover up your feelings or avoid the issue. That can make matters worse.

Do start a conversation, keep it going, and be completely open from the very outset. Remember that the information about sexuality is as important as
food, shelter, protection and loving care. If you still feel that despite getting comfortable you do not have all the answers to your child’s questions, then
you may take your child for a sex education session to a trained sex educator.

Emotional vacuum I am a married man of 45. Me n my spouse are in the same field of media.

We talk shop all 24 hrs as both are freelancers. We have a son of 10 yrs.

No matter What I do, she is not happy.

She finds me uninteresting and boring.

Of course, she says I am very caring, protective and warm as a husband. but then, that dissatisfying element is there. I feel that I am missing that warmth in a woman, her caressing hands and that motherly attention. So I am searching for a relationship outside marriage, that is discreet and non disturbing to the present married life.. am I right in doing this or is there a solution? She doesn't much interact with my parents as the language problem exists. But then, I am Andhrite she is a Punjabi... she is career oriented and workaholic...What do I do? I am man n have my desires and urges too...!

The 3 elements of a fulfilling marriage are Care, Commitment and Communication. Caring for the genuine and reasonable needs of the other by both the partners and making active efforts for the fulfillment of those needs is indeed very important. Committing to solve any problems arising out of these unfulfilled needs within the marriage itself, and not seeking to go outside the marriage to fulfill these needs is the second important element. And finally the use of the master key of Communication to express those valid and reasonable needs to your partner clearly and maturely with the sole intention of working through the problem together to find a mutually fulfilling solution. Remember your partner is not a mind reader, so you must very clearly express your genuine needs.
Communication between partners very often degenerates into a game of one upmanship, blaming and attacking the self worth of the other. Care must be taken by both, to refrain from attacking the other through verbal punches, and both should genuinely strive for a win-win scenario through healthy communication. If both of you are unable to establish healthy communication with each other, then intervention by a good counsellor could help you establish the same by systematically training both of you in the art of genuine listening and constructive responding. There is no problem that cannot be solved if both partners, care for the other, are committed to solving it within the marriage and correctly communicate the same to each other.

Relationship under wraps
I am a young 23-year-old girl who's in love with a man. I am certain that I love him to the point where I think that I want to marry him and he told me that he loves me. Now because of our levels in society, we've decided to keep the relationship on a down low. But I can't, Every time I see him my heart races, my palm sweats, but I can't express how I feel for him in public because our social standings might become damaged. In private, out of the public eye we get along well and things are all right. Sometimes I get angry and frustrated when we don't show each other how we feel in public. What can I do to lessen my frustration?

Any relationship which has to be kept under cover, and in which you cannot be freely and fully yourself, is bound to take a toll on you. Sooner or later a choice will have to be made. You will have to either muster up the courage to be open about your relationship and face whatever society has to say about it, or else you will have to break up. It is up to both of you to decide as to what is truly important to you. Love has the strength to face any odds as long as both of you face the challenge together. It is now the time to test the strength of your love.

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Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
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Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
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