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Heart To Heart

Monday, November 26, 2018

Refractory period
I am a robust, healthy man in my early thirties. I am extremely health and fitness conscious person. I want to know - How long after ejaculation can a man get a second good erection?

When a man is having sex, his ‘endorphin’ level is very high. Almost immediately after ejaculation, he goes through a 'refractory phase' in which he loses his erection, he crashes and all his systems gear down. The refractory period changes from person to person. However after the refractory period, which could be 20 minutes to a few hours, one can get an equally good erection once again. The level of erection depends on the level of excitement and stimulation.

Beauty and attraction
I am 25 years old. I have been married for 4 years to a not so beautiful woman. She is a good wife to me but I don’t find her beautiful, although physical intimacy does exist between us. Is it normal and is there some remedy for this?

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. We have known many men and women who are not conventionally beautiful, but love each other dearly, and find tremendous satisfaction with each other in physical intimacy. Even those who are conventionally beautiful, do not remain so for ever.

After four years of marriage, you are expected to grow in love and maturity in your relationship and look at each other beyond the size and shape of the body. Grow in love. Love is extremely ‘sensual’, and it is sensuality and not the physical features or physical statistics which determine a fulfilling intimate relationship.

Premature ejaculation
I ejaculate almost as soon as I penetrate i.e. in one or two strokes. What can I do to avoid this?

What is happening with you is not a physical problem, but a “learning disability”. It is called as “Premature Ejaculation”. There are no medical causes for premature ejaculation. It is essentially of a psycho-behavioral and relational origin. Modern medicine does not offer any drug treatment for this problem Ejaculating early is a learned reflex response that can be effectively re-conditioned when a man and a woman actively learn ejaculation control together.

You need to increase your awareness of the sensations of arousal building so that you can identify the level of your arousal. Secondly, awareness of sensations of arousal and ejaculatory control can be learned by following a step-by-step process. We teach couples the use of the ‘squeeze technique’ or the ‘stop-start technique’.
Besides techniques, certain ‘exercises for sphincter control’ and ‘use of condom’ may help in some cases. Certain Flower remedies have also been found effective with some couples.

Unjust insistance
My wife and I have been having a very disturbing life because of my son. At present he is taken care by a day care center. My wife wants my old parents to take care of him for the only reasons that they took care of my nephews earlier. She refuses to understand that they were young and healthy at that time. She feels they are refusing intentionally. Due to this she constantly taunts me, speaks degrading about my parents, and many times blackmails me emotionally. This has made life a hell for me. I am unable to concentrate on my work and in fact it is also affecting my relation with her and my son. I want some help to if not get rid of the problem to overcome the same.

Every working parent prefers that their child be looked after by family rather than by a stranger. It seems that your wife is not convinced that your old parents are unable to take care of your son, or else she would not insist. You say that there is a major problem with your aging parents baby-sitting your son and that your wife’s insistence is unreasonable. One needs to explore if and why she has a distorted perception of the situation. She needs to be understood and then counselled about her ‘unreasonable’ expectations. In this regard, both of you need to see a counsellor together to find a win-win solution and sort out the matter amicably once and forever.

All about condoms
I am a 21-year-old guy. I do not have adequate knowledge about ‘Condoms’. Kindly give me all the information about condoms. Are condoms really “safe”?

Condoms are called barrier methods of contraception (birth control) as they put up a barrier or block, which keeps the sperm from reaching the ovum. It is made of either latex or polyurethane. Male condoms are 86 to 98% effective at preventing conception. Condoms can be used only once. You can buy them at a chemist shop. Always keep condoms in a cool and dry place. If you keep them in a hot place (like a wallet, or glove compartment of a car), the latex tends to break down, causing the condom to break or tear. The condom is to be worn only on an erect penis, and just before intromission (penetration). It is packed with its borders rolled up. It is to be unrolled over the erect penis, till it is fully opened and covering the entire erect penis. There is a small pocket at the tip of the condom. It is given for the semen to get trapped/collected after ejaculation. This pocket needs to be pinched to avoid trapping of air at the time of wearing the condom. When putting the condom on the erect penis you must avoid tearing the condom or putting a hole in it with fingernails, teeth, a ring, or anything sharp.

You have asked ‘Are condoms safe’?

You are probably referring to “Reliability” rather than “Safety”. Safety refers to whether the condom usage will produce any harmful effects to the user. In that sense the condom is safe except for those who are allergic to “latex” rubber. Reliability refers to the fact whether condom usage prevents conception and/or Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

A person infected with HIV (or any other Sexually Transmitted Disease) or likely to be infected, should be aware that a condom cannot completely eliminate the risk of transmission of HIV/STDs to themselves or to others.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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