Afternoon D & C Dedicated To Mumbai
Home > Rajan Bhonsle > Heart To Heart

Heart To Heart

Monday, November 19, 2018

Mid-Life Crisis
I am a married man, now 49 years of age, a CA by profession, with two kids. I met one girl of 26 years, also a CA by profession. I like her and in the few meetings we've had, it seems she also likes me. But, the problem is that at my age should I propose to her about my likings. I have called her to outings and she has responded favourably. But, I am hesitant in telling her of my fascination for her. Please advise.

You have not mentioned the status of your relationship with your wife, so I presume that all is well at home. Have you thought about the repercussions if you decide to continue with this young girl?  How far do you want to go? What do you expect from her? What does she expect from you?  How will your wife and children feel? Are you willing to sacrifice harmony in the family for her if it comes to that?  You are 49 and she is 26, so she could very well be your daughter’s age. What kind of future can this relationship have?

Your age is indicative of a mid-life crisis. Very often at this age a feeling of discontentment emerges with an urgency to live life differently. At this point you can either turn towards more short term pleasures, or then seek true fulfillment and contentment. This is an opportunity to grow spiritually and turn within. It is also a time to give back to the community what you have received from it. Get into some activity which gives you a sense of fulfillment and self-worth. Resolve any problems you might have within the family. Life is too short. Reflect on how you want to spend the rest of it.

Pre-Marital ‘Non-Response’
I am going to be married soon, but when I was courting with my fiancée I found that she was not getting aroused. In spite of my best efforts I was not able to arouse her and she too was not affected by my touching. Is it normal?

It seems that you are entering into an arranged marriage. If this is so, then what you are facing is a common problem. You are probably going too fast too soon. The sexuality of a woman is predominantly heart-centred. She needs to feel emotionally close to you for her to get aroused. I would advise you to go slow with your caressing as she maybe feeling shy and awkward. Instead, you could win her heart by romancing her. Not being hasty physically, but instead understanding her hesitation, will make her feel emotionally close to you. And when this happens, she will be more than willing to share intimacy with you.

If after implementing my advise you still feel that things are not warming up between both of you, then a counselling session with a good sex counsellor would be in order. This would take care of any myths or misconceptions that she maybe carrying about physical intimacy, and also give her an opportunity to come up with her queries, if any.

Respond To Your Inner Calling
I want to take up the career in 'Psychology'. My father is a businessman. He wants me to get degree in Commerce, which doesn't interest me at all. I love my father. I don't want to displease him. He has done a lot for me. But at the same time I don't want to take a career that I don't like. What should I do?

Your father has lived his life and you have to live your own. I am sure your father has the best of intentions at heart as all other well-meaning parents. But, you can only be the best of who you are, and not the best of who he wants you to be. If Psychology is truly your passion and your calling, so be it. Get into it and give it your very best. When your father sees your joy and passion, how could he not be happy for you ? But if he stubbornly sticks to his stance, then he and only he is responsible for his own unhappiness. You need to follow your heart and fulfill the purpose of your life. Of course, it is important for you to be sure of your own interest in Psychology. If you are sure, then dedicatedly pursue your goals without looking back.

Masturbation Myth
I am masturbating almost regularly since the age of 14. I am now 25 and still masturbate. Is this abnormal / harmful?

Masturbation is a harmless activity. Most boys (men) discover masturbation in their teens and practice it frequently. It is harmless and has no ill effects on one’s body (health) or sexuality. However, the ‘guilt’ associated with masturbation can be detrimental to one’s emotional health and self-esteem. Masturbation is considered abnormal only in the following situations ~

  • If it is done in front of others.
  • If proper hygiene is not maintained during and after the act.
  • If it is done in a manner that can cause injury to the organ.
  • If it is chosen over intercourse in married couples, even when the spouse is willing to have intercourse.
  • If it becomes an “obsession” and starts affecting other aspects of one’s life like career, education, relationships etc.

Mid-Life Crisis
I am a married man, now 49 years of age, a CA by profession, with two kids. I met one girl of 26 years, also a CA by profession. I like her and in the few meetings we've had, it seems she also likes me. But, the problem is that at my age should I propose to her about my likings. I have called her to outings and she has responded favourably. But, I am hesitant in telling her of my fascination for her. Please advise.
You have not mentioned the status of your relationship with your wife, so I presume that all is well at home. Have you thought about the repercussions if you decide to continue with this young girl?  How far do you want to go? What do you expect from her? What does she expect from you?  How will your wife and children feel? Are you willing to sacrifice harmony in the family for her if it comes to that?  You are 49 and she is 26, so she could very well be your daughter’s age. What kind of future can this relationship have?

Your age is indicative of a mid-life crisis. Very often at this age a feeling of discontentment emerges with an urgency to live life differently. At this point you can either turn towards more short term pleasures, or then seek true fulfillment and contentment. This is an opportunity to grow spiritually and turn within. It is also a time to give back to the community what you have received from it. Get into some activity which gives you a sense of fulfillment and self-worth. Resolve any problems you might have within the family. Life is too short. Reflect on how you want to spend the rest of it.

Tweet
COMMENTS
No Comments Posted
POST YOUR COMMENTS
Name:  
 
Email:    
Comments:
 
 
City news
Accused strikes during Eid-e-Milad, nabbed in 24
Mahim Jama Masjid has installed and inaugurated a
A day after this newspaper reported about a ...
I am a married man, now 49 years of age, a CA by
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Astrology
Select Sun sign:
 
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)If you are involved in monetary matters, today you will find yourself weighing the benefits. A loan that you have applied for may be sanctioned. Look at a range of choices, says Ganesha, and you will end up feeling very happy about it. You could find yourself dining out with friends, later on in the evening.
- Advertising -
Read More