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Heart To Heart

Monday, September 17, 2018

Coital alignment technique
What is the CAT position of performing intercourse? How similar or different is it from the missionary position?

The missionary position is one, which is the least likely to bring a woman to orgasm. The CAT position is a wonderful alternative to the missionary position of intercourse. In the missionary position, the clitoris stays out of the area that gets stimulated during intercourse. There is a subtle adjustment you can make during the missionary position of intercourse, that provides more direct stimulation to the clitoris, and greatly increases the chances of experiencing an orgasm. This position is called the “Coital Alignment Technique” or CAT position.

In the coital alignment technique, the male partner first assumes the normal missionary position. He takes his legs apart and flexes them in the knees to assume a position similar to that of a rider. The female partner keeps her legs together and not apart. Then he moves his body upwards about two inches so that he is in the intercourse position, also called ‘riding high’. The male partner’s pubic bone will rest on top of the female partner’s pubic bone so that the base of his penis presses on the clitoris.

The type of movements that take place with the CAT is different from the movements in the missionary position. In normal thrusting, most of the couples
like to move in opposite directions. In the CAT position, both partners move together, and the actual range of movement is very small. It is as if your genitals are locked together and the clitoris and the base of the penis rub against each other. The pelvis moves but the rest of your bodies don’t. The use of this technique has many benefits. It will provide continuous stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse. And, since the bodies don’t move that much, one is less likely to become fatigued.    

Casual sex
I am a lady with two daughters. My husband is a busy businessman. My high profile social life brings me in contact with several people and recently I got immensely attracted to a handsome man. Though he is married and has children, he has offered casual sexual encounters, whenever he visits my city. Should I go ahead? I am immensely attracted to him physically.

Casual sexual encounters are far from ‘casual’. Sex does not only involve the body, but also the mind. Intimacy is always a physical and an emotional encounter. As such, you would be creating complications in your life where none exist. Living a dual life as you suggest, could be emotionally de-stabilising and psychologically devastating.

You are probably dissatisfied with your intimate life with your busy husband, and this other man is making you feel attractive and desired. It would be best if you sit your husband down for a serious heart to heart talk about the status of your intimate life and your emotional needs in the relationship, and possibly see a marriage counselor together to revive the passion in your marriage. It will be time well invested.

Assess your interest and aptitude
I am 26 years old and working in government sector. Before joining this job I was preparing for civil services exams, but my parents forced me to join this job, which is too inferior to civil service. I tried to make understand them but all gone in vain. Ever since I am feeling changes in my behavior. I get angry very soon and feeling alone in the world. Sometimes, a normal conversation irritates me. I can't concentrate on my studies, which is creating depression. I also get madly attracted towards girls. Please tell me if these are the symptoms of any disease.

You are 26 years old and have a moral and legal right to your own decisions. Of course this also means that you accept and are responsible for all the repercussions that emerge from your decision ~ whether the repercussions come in the form of displeasure of family, doing without the income your present job brings etc.

What you are describing about yourself is an emotional disturbance arising out of an inner conflict. On one hand you want to follow your dream of being in the civil service by whole-heartedly preparing for the exams, but this is not backed by your family. On the other hand, you please your family by taking this job against your wishes, and you are unable to focus on your studies which will ultimately lead you to fulfill your dream. This is a decision which only you can and should make.

First, realistically assess your interest and aptitude. Then ask yourself where you will find true fulfillment. Finally follow your heart with determination. If you do this then your depressive feelings should soon pass.

If you still find yourself feeling low and unable to focus on your studies, there maybe other aspects to your problem. See a counsellor for a few sessions to get to the bottom of the matter.

By the way, your attraction for the opposite sex is perfectly normal for your age. Do not relate it to your problem.

Emotional intimacy first
I am 26 years old. I am getting married in this year. I was wondering what is importance of sex in a healthy relationship? If it is important, is there something that I need to do as a woman to improve my relationship with my husband? Please advice.

Physical intimacy is a significant relationship meter of a man-woman relationship. It is said that if the sex is good, then it forms only 10% of the relationship, but if the sex is absent or bad then it forms 90% of the relationship. In a healthy relationship, physical intimacy is built on the foundation of emotional intimacy, and there is an integration of love and sex. It is also important for both, the man and the woman, to mutually enjoy the act of intimacy, with neither one compelling the other into any unnatural or unacceptable act.

I would advise you to either consult a sex counselor to have a sex education session, or then read a reputed book on sex education, to be more informed. It is recommended to not rush into physical intimacy, but to get to know each other, feel comfortable and emotionally intimate with each other, so that such emotional intimacy naturally culminates into physical intimacy. Further, it is important for both you and your partner to freely and frankly communicate your likes and dislikes in the act of intimacy, so that it is mutually satisfying and fulfilling.

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Heart To Heart
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)Today, you will turn an attentive ear to your inner voice. As a result, you will able to execute all your plans with precision. Besides being cheerful, you will even take disappointments with a pinch of salt. Why just today, says Ganesha, you can have this rare quality for keeps.
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