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Heart To Heart

Monday, April 16, 2018

Relationship doesn’t define you
I am 24 year old girl working since last 5 years. Lately I have started feeling very lonely and fall for every single word of affection. Don’t know what to do?
It would be nice and preferable to have a mutually fulfilling and loving relationship in your life but it is not an absolute must for your happinness. You could teach yourself to be happy even without love.

Definitely, mingle around and be socially accessible if such a relationship is to enter your life. However, you could also devote your time to other enjoyable pursuits that have little to do with loving or relating, such as work or artistic endeavors.

Having a relationship does not define you. You are much more than that.

I would recommend a few sessions with a good counsellor to help you live a more peaceful and fulfilling life irrespective of whether there is someone I  your life.

Sense of worthiness about oneself
I am 20 & my girlfriend is 25 years old. Both of us love each other. I want to marry her but she denied because she loves & respects her elder brother who is opposing our relationship for no reason. I am not blaming my girlfriend, as I know her nature. But my problem is that I lost my interest in everything, lost my appetite & I cannot concentrate on my studies. Please help me in this dilemma.

What you are feeling is not abnormal. It is a human need to love and be loved. There is also another human need and that is to feel a sense of worthiness about oneself. You say you are restless. That means you are only hung up on the fulfillment of the first need ~ namely to love and be loved. For a sense of worthiness you need to put your energy in creative pursuits, activities and hobbies that increase your self-worth. This will make you feel good about yourself, take care of your restlessness and give you a chance to interact with people. While you are busy feeling good, the right person for you will come into your life. Till then, don’t worry, be happy. If you continue to feel restless even after this, you would need to have a few sessions with a good personal counsellor.

Scientific information about clitoris
I am a 20-year-old girl. I will be getting married this year. I wish to get some scientific information about the “clitoris”. Where exactly it is located, how does it appear and what is it’s function?

Clitoris is a small, pea-like structure present at the top of the inner lips (Labia Minora) of the vagina, enfolded by the outer lips (Labia Majora). It is an erectile hooded organ at the upper joining of the labia minora. You may have to separate outer lips of vagina to be able to see it. Like the male glans penis, the clitoris is richly supplied by highly sensitive nerve receptors. Very often the clitoris gets rubbed during intercourse. The clitoris is the only anatomical organ in women whose sole function is providing sexual pleasure.

Long distance relationship
I have a long distance relationship with a girl who stays abroad. I love her a lot. She also loves me, claimed by her in emails. Thing is after her mother’s demise last July, she’s not remained the same (she handles the house and she also works and also studies). She is too busy with her work that she hardly contacts me. I don’t get a response like how a normal relationship should have. When I talked to her about this, she says that she sincerely loves me from her heart and not does not have anything to gain out of it. She wants to marry me also. What confuses me is her behavior. At one time she pours out so much of love and on other time she acts as if she hardly cares as if there is nothing. I can’t believe that she is too busy to even sms me regularly. We just got our relationship started afresh this July. She used to call me, mail me, sms me...but again nothing is coming from her. It has been a month now. She doesn’t even reply to my sms. I don’t know what should I do? The last time was when I met her online, she didn’t reply to me, she went offline after sometime and sms me that she was ill and she would contact me later. A week after I get her sms saying she always me keep in her heart and if she is not able to reply me or say hi even doesn’t mean that she’s forgotten me. But does her behaviour seem reasonable? Work remains same all the time. If she was able to contact me then, why not now. I don’t know what to do. pls help

Long distance relationships are always difficult, and not too many of them last. So first of all be realistic. Secondly, there is a chance that she enjoys contact with you but is not too serious about the relationship, which is her prerogative. After all it’s a free world. However, she maybe hesitating to say this to you for fear of hurting you. If this is the case, then it would be wise and in the interest of both of you, that you ask her to be completely frank with you. When you say this, you need to assure her beyond doubt that you will be okay with either answer, and will not embarrass her by insisting and questioning her. This is the only way that you will know for sure what’s in her mind and heart.

However, it is also possible that she really does care for you, but is truly pre-occupied since her mother’s demise and genuinely has more on her plate than she can handle. In that case, instead of asking whether she is a good friend to you, you need to ask yourself the question, ‘Am I a good friend to her ?’

Frequency of Masturbation
I read in one of your answers that masturbation is harmless; however, there has to be some safe limit to its frequency. Kindly clarify.

There is absolutely no ‘numerical’ safety limit to how many times in a day a person should or can practice masturbation. It is a matter of concern only when masturbation becomes a continuous preoccupation and is so frequent that it significantly starts interfering with other aspects of the person’s life. For instance, if a young man/woman defocuses from his/her career or academics or stops socializing because all he/she wants to do is to masturbate, he/she may lose out on career opportunities and/or become socially withdrawn which can create its own problems. Otherwise, pleasuring oneself through masturbation is enjoyable and absolutely safe.

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I am 24 year old girl working since last 5 years.
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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