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Heart To Heart

Monday, April 02, 2018

Contraception for Newly Married
My son will be getting married this year. He is 21. In our community marriages happen earlier. What methods of family planning should be used to avoid pregnancy for at least two years, till he completes his MBA. He is not very comfortable talking to me on such matters. Your answer will make my job easier.

For a newly married couple the Condom (to be used by men), Spermicidal pessaries and Oral contraceptive pills (to be used by women) are the ONLY recommended methods of contraception. The other methods are usually to be practiced only after the birth of the first child and/or after completing the family. Some newer methods like the female condom and Intradermal Hormonal implants are not commercially available in India presently.

Each contraceptive method has some advantages and some disadvantages. It is best to decide about the contraceptive method after consulting your family physician or a Gynaecologist. It is then up to each individual couple to sit together, weigh the pros and cons, and then use a method which is mutually acceptable and which is most suitable for their requirements.

She Loves me : She Loves me Not!
I am a 17 yr old introvert guy, studying in class 12. I have many times found this girl looking at me. We have never talked to each other but know each other. She occasionally looks at to me, while talking to my best friend in front of me. She sits in the first bench and I in the last bench. I have found her looking back at me constantly during the class hours. First I thought it might be my assumption or may be she is looking at my friend. But one day, in lab, I found her too close to me doing her experiment. In the beginning, she was at the opposite side of the table. We were 3 of us on that table, with another girl on adjacent side. But half an hour later, she was by my side, while the other girl was there where she was initially. She was so close that I feared I might make physical contact, which I didn't want. There was enough space so that each of us could occupy one side of the table, but now she was standing beside me without any fear of physical contact. She was just inches away from me, while half of the table was unoccupied. I felt the need to bend a little but it was impossible without touching her. I stopped doing the experiment. What is in her mind? Is she in love with me? Is she expecting me to make the first move? Though I have got such kind of suspicious attention from girls earlier, this one seems serious to me. I can’t understand why some (not all) girls give so much attention to me if they don’t have any intention of having any kind of serious affair. Is it because they actually had the intention, but I couldn’t guess it?
16 - 18 is the age ( decided by nature ) when attraction to the opposite sex is a relatively new phenomenon; thus the keen interest that girls have in you , and the curiosity you have about them. A serious affair can only happen after you know the other person well enough. At your age it is important that both sexes should mix freely and merely get to know each other as friends. A ‘serious affair’, for it to last and to be meaningful, needs to be based on friendship. So get out of this ‘serious’ business and merely be open to friendship with all.

Guarding Virginity before Marriage
My girlfriend has a lot of control over her in sex matter, or shall I tell that she cannot control it but she is doing it for the doing sake. We both love each other like mad-lovers the only reason she denies from this is that she is afraid that if we do not marry each other due to some reason then it will be hard to get separated. I don't tell that she is wrong but then too u can understand a male’s feeling since I love her. I have waited for 2 years I have not even kissed her. Plz tell me how can I break her control? What does a girl expects from her boyfriend during sex?

Your girlfriend is saving her virginity for marriage (or at least a commitment of marriage) and that is her prerogative. Obviously there seems to be no commitment as yet, which is why she is refraining from intimacy. I am sure it must be as hard for her as it is for you, if in your words you ‘love each other like mad lovers'. She is right when she says that it will be emotionally distressing if there is intimacy and if both of you do not end up together. Though I understand your need for intimacy, you need to respect her wishes. A commitment seems to be very important to her; therefore, it would be wise to explore the possibility of taking your relationship further towards making it a committed relationship.

Preoccupation with past
After I started a serious relationship with my fiancé I found out that he had sex before with another girl, even though just for once but the idea troubles me very much. I love him more than I could ever express and this love is mutual. Even though he had told me about this before our relationship got so deep to get engaged but even after one year of being engaged, I still find it really hard to accept the fact of him being with another girl. I sometimes bring this subject up and try to hurt with my words to get even but it hurts me even more to see him hurt. What should I do? I love him so much and I failed to hate him for what he did, he did this about 5 years before we even met. So, I know I shouldn’t be hurt about his past actions and he has changed a lot since then and he does love me more than anything. But I still keep fantasizing him with this other girl who I have never even seen and get really mad and jealous. Why does it happen? Why does it hurt so much? What should I do? Please help me. I sometimes become very rude and threaten him of leaving him for this I even sometimes think that he will do it again, I mean go with another girl.

You are quite aware that your preoccupation with his past is contaminating your relationship with him. This obsession that you have has roots in your own feelings of low self worth and insecurity. You seem to have a fear of abandonment too. You will need to explore the origins of these feelings (which could very well have roots in your childhood with parents) with a good psychotherapist who will help you understand yourself and transcend the feelings. Seek out a psychotherapist urgently before you lose a perfectly good relationship to your obsessive fears.

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