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Heart To Heart

Monday, March 26, 2018

Extramarital Attraction
Why does a married woman get attracted to another person for romantic/sexual relationship?

There are only two reasons: One reason is that she is not satisfied in her present relationship with her husband and feels that there is no way that things can ever improve between them. This causes her to look outside her marriage for satisfaction. The other reason is that there is some sort of sexual repression that has taken place in her during her growing years, and that manifests as sexual promiscuity in adulthood. In both cases, counselling is advised. In the first case, the couple can be counselled so that healthy communication can be established between the two, wherein both express there needs in the relationship and are adequately motivated to fulfill each other’s valid needs ( both physical and emotional ). In the second case, the woman’s psycho-sexual history will more often than not, indicate sexual repression at some stage of her growing years. This can be addressed by the counsellor during the sessions, so that the woman is freed from the effects of such repression.

Think carefully and choose wisely!
My life is very complicated n I myself have made it. I do not know what is to be done now. I m 19 years male. When I was in 10th standard I fell in love with Manisha, but that was not love, that was just n attraction. In 11th she broke off as her family is against love marriage, luckily I got away from this; I did not have any physical relationships with her. When we broke off I was a badly hurt.  I do not know y, I do not love her then too I was hurt. Later in 12th I became a flirt n I had 2 affairs one with Vinita n another with Neeta. they were my very good friends, but they loved me so I thought, that I have a nice opportunity to have fun with them both. First I had some physical relationships with Vinita n I broke off with Vinita a month ago. And now I m planning to have full sex with Neeta in next month which she won't object as she also want it, n then we both we break off willingly. But sad. Whenever I think of break off with Neeta tears roll down my eyes, though I don't love her. Well there is one more gal in my life her name is Neha. I m deeply in  love with her n yes this time it is love for sure. She also loves me very much. Neha knows about my n Manisha's relation that v had carried on but I was not interested in her. n did not use her. She also knows about my n Neeta's relation but I told her that I n Neeta have broke off a month ago, I know I lied but. She does not know about my n Vinita’s relation anything. I n Neha r not carrying on at present but v talk clearly on this topics. She also loves me like a mad gal but does not express her I want to make her my life partner, but she tells no as she has 2 reasons her family n she does not trust me. Well her family is not a big problem as my impression in her family is outstanding n they will never tell no for me but I m not worth her trust. I have tried to gain her trust many times but I can't? Is this possible that she does not trust me, and then too she loves me madly. What must I do? I m stuck, I cannot leave Neha as I love her n I cannot leave Neeta as I want to have sex with her, both things r very important for me but Neha is more important then sex with Neeta but I want both, is this possible? n is this possible that Neha does not trust me, then too she loves me madly.

It is less important whether you can have your cake and eat it too. What is more important is how you will feel about yourself after that. You seem to come across as a person with a conscience in spite of your having given in to temptation. You have made errors, but then you are human. However, part of being human is also having been given the ability to choose wisely. Today you can make a better and wiser choice which will be in conjunction with your sensitive conscience. Think carefully and choose wisely. You will have to live with the choices you make today.

Blood mixed with semen
I am a 35 years old male. I am married and have an active sex life with my wife from past two years and have sex four or five times a week. In the past three four months blood mixed with semen comes out occasionally. I don’t experience any kind of pain after, during or before sex. Do I have any problem?

The bleed noticed during intercourse could be originating from either of the partners (or even both). In your case it is necessary to first find out where it is coming from. It could very well be originating from your wife, as you do not experience any pain before, during or after sex. If you confirm that it is originating from you, if you have noticed it during masturbation, then it needs further investigation. An occasional bleed, particularly when you have ejaculated after a long gap could be passed off as innocent and does not need any treatment, as it is a common transient phenomenon. However if it is a persistent occurrence, then it definitely suggests either an injury, inflammation, infection or even growth in your uro-genital tract which needs a thorough check up and some investigations. Do consult a uro-surgeon for professional help.  

Hard work and Perseverance
I’m ganesh iyer …a Tamilian…19…M…doing…my problem is that I feel insecure about future? feeling the pinch of love, respect, recognition from my family…they don’t treat me like a 19 yr old boy…they don’t give me enough responsibility….I feel guilty that I’m good for noting….I have lot of expectation from my life??.... What should I do???....plz help me.

You are only 19 and have an entire life ahead of you. I know you have dreams for your life, and many of them can come true by virtue of sheer hard work and perseverance. Respect and recognition often come along with achievements. However, do not hanker after, or be dependant on love, respect and recognition from outside. Strive to respect and recognize the genuine efforts you put in everything, and more importantly love yourself irrespective of your achievements. It is good to have long-term goals and short-term goals. As you take every step towards your short-term goals, remember, that the same step is towards your long-term goals. Today, you are a student of commerce, and so your immediate goal is to sincerely commit yourself to getting that degree. Give yourself a pat on the back on charge on !!

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Heart To Heart
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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