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Heart To Heart

Monday, March 05, 2018

Best sexual posture for maximum pleasure
What is the most common sexual position that married couples use during intercourse? Which is the best position for maximum pleasure for both husband and wife?
There are several different sexual positions that a couple can choose to use. The most prevalent one is known as the “missionary position”, where the male partner is on top of the female partner, with face-to-face interaction. Female superior or Woman-on-top is the second most preferred sexual position.

Each sexual position facilitates an exclusive opportunity to couple for physical and emotional expression. Matters such as mood, health, body weight, age, and pregnancy can determine which position will be the most preferred one at a particular instant. Stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse is easier with the female-superior (woman-on-top) position, either sitting upright or inclining off to the left or right. Woman-on-top position also facilitates the woman to be ‘active’ whereby it is easier for her to reach to her own orgasm. A lot of couples prefer a more intimate and relaxed interaction with the face-to-face, side-by-side position, allowing each partner to have a free hand to caress the other's body. For pregnant women, the ‘spoon position’ is often more comfortable, relieving pressure from her abdomen during intercourse. So most people experiment with many positions to decide what they find most desirable.

Choice of life partner
My parents are pressuring me to get married to a guy they have chosen. But I don’t like the guy and find him creepy. But the problem is that they have been trying to find a match for me since last few months, none of which worked out. So they think if they let go of this guy, I will not find a better match, because he is educated, earns a lot of money and is well-settled. But the thing is I really don’t think he is my type. I have met him a couple of times and haven’t liked his thinking. What should I do?
You owe it to yourself, the guy and your parents that you are completely honest about how you feel about this match. Communicate to your parents that while you understand their concerns over your marriage, it is equally important that you do not merely marry out of a sense of guilt over their concerns. We are sure your parents do not want you to be unhappily married, or then have a broken marriage if things do not work. Communicating the same to them might help them see the light.

On your part, it is important that since you are open to an arranged match, you give yourself and the guy (this guy or any other guy) adequate opportunity to know each other before concluding about compatibility.  Today it is easy to communicate via e-mail in order to understand views of each other on various issues. It is only after sufficient communication on relevant matters that one can truly assess compatibility. If you have sufficient evidence to point out incompatibility with the present guy, share it with your parents in a mature way, and point out those areas where things could go wrong for both of you. If they truly care for your sustained happiness they will step back and look for a more compatible match.

Teaching “Birds & Bees”
We are convinced that children need to be educated properly about matters related to sex. When should parents sit down with their children for the “birds and bees” education?

Learning about sex should not occur in one “all or nothing” session with children. It ideally should be more of an unfolding and ongoing process, one in which the child learns over time, what is necessary for him/her to know. Questions should preferably be answered as and when they arise so that the child's natural curiosity is satisfied as he/she grows and matures. As they grow, parents can give them all useful information to help them make healthy and responsible decisions related to their sexuality. Keep in mind that it is not necessary to have a major conversation with your child each time he/she asks a question about sexuality. They may just want the answer to one question for the time being, and that is perfectly fine. Always be sure that you are answering the specific question, rather than talking in general terms.

If at all your child does not ask any questions about sex, do not just ignore the subject. At around age five, you can actively begin to introduce books that deal with sexuality on a developmentally appropriate level. Parents often have difficulty finding the right words/vocabulary, but there are a number of good books to help.

Adjusting to new family
I am a working woman and have been brought up to be independent. I got married few months ago and am finding it difficult to adjust to my new family. They are a little too orthodox for my tastes and expect me to be the same. They don’t like that I attend office parties or wear jeans and western clothes to work, even though the clothes are not indecent. They don’t even like that I don’t give them my salary and that I apply lipstick. I have talked about this to my husband, but he pushes me to compromise because he doesn’t want any frictions at home.

A lot would depend on the kind of honest communication that you have had with your husband before marriage, regarding values and lifestyles. If he was aware of your career lifestyle, your grooming, and your keeping an independent savings account, and had agreed to all of it, then simply reminding him of the same would suffice. However, if unfortunately all this was not discussed, then it is time to sit down and amicably discuss how both of you independently feel about all the above, and co-create a new set of values and lifestyle choices which is comfortable for both. Co-creating a life together does not always mean giving up independence. See it as ‘building up’ a relationship rather than ‘giving up’ something. There could be some flexible areas in the issues mentioned above for both of you, and a keen desire to co-create a mutually nurturing, meaningful and fulfilling relationship, would help you find a win-win scenario in all issues. Once both of you are united and on the same co-created team, communication of your joint decisions to his family would become simpler.

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There are several different sexual positions that
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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