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Heart To Heart

Monday, February 19, 2018

Avoid Dry Penetration
We got married recently. I am 32 and my wife is 31. We are painfully struggling with our sexual relationship. Each time we attempt intercourse; my penis develops cuts due to rubbing of genitals. How to prevent this from happening?

Lack of adequate lubrication is invariably the only cause for such complaints. Early penetration while the vagina is still dry, can cause the cuts.  Engage in a relaxed and prolonged foreplay for at least twenty minutes before intercourse, so that the lubrication from both sides is adequate. Good foreplay is one, when both the partners are more than willing and enjoy pleasuring each other. Adequate foreplay will produce good amount of natural lubrication, and that will solve the problem.

Having Her Cake And Eating It Too’
I was in a relationship with a girl for 5 Years. As I was not ready to marry her and required one more year to become financially stable, she broke up with me and married another guy. Even after breaking up we used to meet each other and had sex too. Even after being marriage she has kept sexual relations with me as she is not very happy with her husband. She says that she realizes that she has made a mistake and loves me more than anything in this world. What should I do? Coz I love her a lot and sex between us is great and the feeling is mutual on both sides. She does not enjoy sex with her husband much.

Your friend is ‘having her cake and eating it too’. If according to her , her marriage is a mistake then why does she not rectify the mistake and get her life back on track? And if she is okay with her marriage then what is she doing with you?  But more than that, what are you doing with your life? You say that she could not wait for a year till you were financially stable, and she made her choice. Her conscious choice should have been enough to let you know what place you have in her life. So the question is why has your life remained on hold after she broke off from you ? We all deserve to be in a relationship in which we are valued. Do you feel valued in this relationship ? That is some food for thought.

Condom Phobia
I am 22-year-old woman... got married recently with 28-year-old man. We don’t want child for the first one year. My husband wears condom during sex... however everytime he wears condom, I get terribly scared thinking if condom slip off during sex it can get lost in my vagina causing serious complications. Kindly clarify.

If a condom does come off when a couple has sexual intercourse and slips into the vagina, the woman can easily reach into her vagina with her fingers and pull it out. It does not enter the uterus or the body. The vagina is almost like a blind pouch with a very narrow collapsed passage into the uterus which cannot allow the condom to go beyond that point. Moreover, a condom is too large an object to get lost into the vagina.
Stop feeling scared; and relax into your sexual relationship with your husband.

Good Relation Vs Good Sex
I am 27. For me a good relationship is important but I also feel that the relationship must have really good sexual component. Sex is very important to me and I also want a good relationship. I have been in two relationships till now. In first there was very good understanding, friendship and warmth but sex was low. In second relationship sex was very strong but romance was so so. I am confused. Kindly guide me!

For healthy couples, sex is a natural extension of a good intimate emotional relationship, so if you want a good sexual relationship, it needs to be embedded in a good overall relationship. Remember, sex is not the foundation of a healthy relationship, but it is a natural extension of a relationship in which giving and receiving mutual support and comfort are common.

Now what you have to see is whether the relationship is a mature and responsible one. Infatuations rarely turn into mutually fulfilling relationships. For any long term relationship to be successful, it must be based on a mature understanding of each other and a committed responsibility towards the relationship. Check out and see which one of the two fits the bill.

Dream About Climaxing
I have been married since 6 years, and I have a son also, but till now I have not experienced the orgasm. I dream about experiencing climax but have never experienced one. Is there any technique or method you can suggest to fulfill my dream?

You need to assume the ‘woman on top’ position during intercourse so that you can stimulate yourself in a manner that takes you to an orgasm. Your husband will enjoy anyway. It is also advisable that both you and your husband see a sex counsellor for a single session in which you and especially he, will be educated about foreplay and other needs of a woman. Relax in your sexuality and be free during intimacy, then only will you touch the heights which you dream of.

I am a really sensitive person and I cry really easily when I am hurt but I think my boyfriend is so sick of my unpredictable emotions that he doesn't want to be around me anymore. What can I do to get back to where we used to be?
I believe that you have a lot of unresolved emotional issues in you which could go as far back as your childhood. You need to see a counsellor to sort them out. As far as your boyfriend is concerned, since he is your boyfriend and not your counsellor, he probably does not know how to handle your emotions and is overwhelmed by them. That is natural and understandable.

If he knows that you are sorting out matters with a counsellor, he may find it safe enough to be in the relationship again. But if he does not want to stick by you while you are working through your feelings, then read the writing on the walls – you are better off without him.

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We got married recently. I am 32 and my wife is 3
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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