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Heart To Heart

Monday, December 18, 2017

Mother’s concern
I have a steady boyfriend. I have sex very regularly with him. But once my mother saw us doing it and has been now forcing him to marry me. I don’t want to marry so soon as I am only 18. Even he is not ready for marriage. What shall I do?

I am sure that you can understand your mother’s concern for a young daughter. She is acting out of her protective instinct. You are only 18 and though you may be legally an adult, you have a lot of growing up to do emotionally. Sexual responsibility is not only confined to safe sex physically, but it also means being ready to emotionally relate with someone on such an intimate level. If for some reason your relationship does not work out in the long run, such prolonged involved intimacy could leave you emotionally scarred and de-stabilized just as a divorce leaves the married partners disturbed. Your mother is trying in her own way, to protect you from such a scenario by insisting on marriage. It would be good if you and your mother see a counsellor together to find a way out of this situation.

Nocturnal emission
I used to masturbate regularly for two years. I stopped it since last two months. Ever since I stopped masturbating I started getting wet dreams causing nightfall. Is there anything wrong with my reproductive system? How do I get myself treated for this ailment?

Wet dreams, Nightfall or ‘Nocturnal emission of semen’ are different names of the same phenomenon, and this phenomenon is perfectly normal. At the age of 12-13, the testes in boys start producing sperms. At this age boys start developing sexual attraction towards girls, and start discharging semen during sleep. This discharge is invariably accompanied by sexual dreams. This is a normal, natural, involuntary and uncontrollable response to sexual tension that gets built up within the body due to sex hormones. There is no reason to be worried, frightened or feel guilty about a wet dream. It happens with all men and is not a disease. It is completely harmless and has no ill effect on one’s health or manhood. If you do not masturbate, then nightfall is inevitable. One of these two things have to happen.

A normal man produces at least 20 thousand sperms every minute; and the same number of old sperms die every minute. With this rate of production (spermatogenesis), one needs an outlet. Either one can ejaculate (through intercourse or masturbation) or then nightfall will happen naturally.  Neither nightfall is a disease nor masturbation. Both are harmless and physiological.

Why Indian girls are so shy?
I am 25 year old single man of Indian origin. I have lived in USA most of my life. I am frustrated over one thing. I just wanted to know why girls in India feel so shy to have sex and feel inhibited during sexual act though they enjoy sex. Why is it so? While in USA I found many American girls who are nymphomaniacs. Why are Indian girls so repressed?

Women have been conditioned to believe that an open display of passion during sex is ‘unladylike’, and they fear being labelled as ‘nymphomaniacs’. This is the reason why women rarely give in to their natural physical urges and why they don’t uninhibitedly indulge in sex with an unbridled passion. In actuality, women are capable of multiple orgasms and therefore, the men in our male dominated society, due to their own fear of not being able to satisfy the woman, has conditioned women to believe that they are supposed to be the passive partner in sex and that active sex is a male domain.

Loss of semen in sleep
Does loss of semen in sleep or in any manner affect the physical or sexual health of a person?

Semen is simply a mixture of the products of three glands. Secretions of the Seminal vesicles constitute 60% of semen, and the secretions of the Prostate gland constitute 30% of the semen. Sperms constitute only 10% of the semen quantity. These glands function throughout your life after the puberty and continue to be capable of producing their secretions. Some boys worry that if they ejaculate too often, they will reduce the amount of semen in their body. They worry that they may run out of semen and won't have enough when they need it. This can NEVER happen. A man will make sperms and semen from the start of puberty till his dying day. Also, remember that there is no way that too much sperm and semen can accumulate or build pressure in our body. Our body is a perfectly-tuned machine. Our body has ways to get rid of excess sperms and semen, one of them being nightfall (nocturnal ejaculation).

Sagging breasts & self-esteem
I am 26 yrs old. I have a very kind husband. But when he comments about my sagging breasts (I don't know the exact cause of it) I really get depressed and upset. Please help me to find a way to solve this problem. Is there any special exercise to bring it to normal shape? Please help...

You have mentioned that you have a kind husband. It would be good to communicate to him about how you feel when you hear his comments on your breasts. He may be thinking that you are okay with the comments. Also he needs to be educated on the fact that the perfect breasts are a myth and that all the so-called perfect breasts are due to wonder-bras or silicon implants. By the way there are no exercises that can remedy the situation truly. It is very important that you do not allow your self-esteem to be affected by comments about your body. You are not confined to your body. In fact sexual satisfaction between partners does not depend on the statistics of either partner, but on how comfortable you are with your body image and how sensual and free you are during the act. You need to generally keep fit for health reasons, but do not obsess over certain parts of your body. Be comfortable with the way you are, and allow your sensuality to flow. If you can do that , your husband will have a pleasant surprise. He will soon forget your statistics and get involved in your unrestricted sensuality. No one can take away your self-worth unless you yourself allow it to happen. Celebrate the gift of your body and enjoy it.

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I have a steady boyfriend. I have sex very regula
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)Getting work concluded on time will not be a problem for you but the quality may suffer. Perhaps your mind is not in what you are doing. Your preoccupation with some personal problems or family issues could be distracting. You need to pull yourself out of such situation. A heart to heart talk would be most appropriate to solve a problem.
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