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Heart To Heart

Monday, December 11, 2017

Delay condoms
I am 33 year old man. I want to know whether ‘delay condoms’ available with the chemists are helpful in bettering your sexual performance?  Is there any side effect of using them?

All ‘delay’ condoms are pre-lubricated with anesthetic jelly. Anesthetic jelly is expected to reduce the perception of sensations on the penis, thus helping people who experience early ejaculation to have a longer duration of intercourse. However, it does not work in a large number of cases.  
Desensitization achieved with the help of the chemicals can damage the delicate parts of the penis. There is also the danger that this synthetic anesthetic effect could lead to intercourse being more violent. Such sexual acts tend to get aggressive and thus can be harmful for the sensitive and delicate genital parts of both the partners. Some people also experience irritation and/or itching due to allergy or hypersensitivity to such jellies.

Wife evades sex
My wife does not have sex? What should I do to make it agreeable to her? It is affecting my marriage adversely. Pls advise.

It is important to understand why she needs to evade sex. Is it because she has been left unsatisfied or has had painful experiences of the sexual act with you? Is it because of fear of pregnancy? Is it because she disapproves of the kind of sexual behavior you demand? Is it because she considers the sexual act as sinful, dirty etc.? Is it because she has been a victim of sexual abuse? Is it because she has unresolved emotional issues with you and so cannot give in to intimacy without resolving them? Is she unwell? Is she overworked and too busy with the home and children? Is she involved with someone else? Does she have lesbian tendencies? All this needs to be explored with your wife. I suggest that both of you have a session with a good sex counsellor to reach to the bottom of the matter.

Are all guys like that?
I am Sheetal (age 24). Me and my boyfriend have been going around for 3 yrs and we have been physically involved. My boyfriend says that he will marry me but every time we meet he wants to have sex? Is it normal? Whenever he is with me he gets an erection and he masturbates at least 3-4 times. He says he loves me very much. I am scared that he will eventually get tired of me and marry someone else. Is it normal for a guy to masturbate so many times? Is masturbation necessary for guys? Are all guys like that? Do married people have sex everyday?

Masturbation is common in boys at this age. Male sexuality is body-centered, which makes boys/men more prone to get physically intimate sexually. It is true that your being easily available and his excessive sexual indulgence with you may make him lose interest in long-term, committed relationship such as marriage with you.

You also need to note that there is always a possibility of unwanted pregnancy in such intimate and frequent sexual encounters premaritally. I wonder what is stopping you from getting married. You say you are 24-year-old. This is the perfect age to get married.

Married people have sex as often as they mutually desire. It could be everyday!

He is still cheating on me
I have a problem, my husband and I are married five years, and he lives in Panama. We had a problem. I went unexpected and caught him with another woman, I forgive him but still have doubt that he is still cheating on me. He said that he will be coming to live here some time and can give me a date. So could you tell how to deal with this situation?

It is important to know what your expectations from this marriage are. Are you okay with his extra-marital affair/s as long as you get something out of being in this marriage e.g. financial security, the label of marriage etc.? If yes, then I have nothing to say, but if not, then it is important that there be trust in the relationship with both parties being worthy of that trust (irrespective of the geographical distance). For that, getting into marriage counselling is a must. However, since it is not possible for both of you right away, you should go in for personal counselling to clarify your feelings, motivations and understanding in this matter.

Masturbation in Girls
I am a 21 year old girl and have a bad habit since 3-4 years. Whenever I get an urge to urinate, I take a pillow between my legs and press it with my hands towards my body for some seconds. I got this habit because once I needed to control urine, but while doing so I enjoyed doing it…so I started doing it very frequently. Sometimes I get pain during urination due to this habit. Will this habit cause any harm to me in a long run?

What you have described in your question is nothing but one of the ways of masturbation in girls. All techniques of self-stimulation are collectively known as Masturbation. If you are not violent with the process and do it strictly in your privacy, maintaining proper hygiene, it will not cause any harm to you. Any frequency of masturbation is fine as long as you are not hurting your genitals and not overly obsessed with it to the point of ignoring other aspects of your life such as academics, career, relationships etc. An aggressive mechanical rubbing during masturbation can cause urethral inflammation in females. An infection can then enter the inflamed urethra and bladder causing urinary infection. That is why you experience some kind of pain while urinating whenever you masturbate more frequently.

I am a 32 year old man deeply in love with a Muslim girl. I am to marry her soon. Her family members have insisted that I should get myself ‘circumcised’ before marriage. I want to know how many days it will take to heal the wound of circumcision.

Circumcision is a small surgery. It takes only 20-30 minutes and is done under local anaesthesia. The patient is sent home on the same day after a couple of hours. One can have it done by any general surgeon in a hospital or a nursing home. The wound heals within seven to ten days, however sexual intercourse in not advised for about four to six weeks after the surgery.

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I am 33 year old man. I want to know whether ‘del
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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