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Heart To Heart

Monday, August 21, 2017

Safe period
Is there a “safe period” to have unprotected sexual intercourse?

There is absolutely no safe period to have unprotected sex if you wish to avoid pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections. Attempting to estimate when a woman is least fertile is a risky form of contraception.

Ovulation happens around 14 days before the first day of the next expected date of MC. About five days before and after this day of ovulation, including the day of ovulation are the days when there is a possibility of pregnancy, making them ‘unsafe’. Rest all the days are supposed to be safe from the conception point of view.

Safe periods are not very safe, as they are calculated with the presumption that the MC periods are ‘regular’ (30 days). It is very common for periods to go irregular most unexpectedly due to various physiological as well as psychological causes. In that case the calculation of safe period can go wrong, making it ‘unsafe’. Moreover, this method also offers no protection from STDs including HIV.

Something amiss in this alliance
I will be marrying this girl in next three months. We meet often and get adequate privacy; however she avoids all my physical advances. She acts unusually shy even while dressing up in my presence. I find that she is not shy in dressing in front of her family that includes her father and brother. I find something amiss in this alliance. Can you throw some light?

You say that she is not shy in the family, but you are new in her life and she needs to get to know you better before she sheds her inhibitions with you. I would however strongly recommend a pre-marriage counselling session with a good sex counsellor to rid her of any myths regarding sex that she may be carrying. The session would also be beneficial to know whether she is marrying you of her own free will or whether she has any reservations about this alliance and why. Usually this problem is easily corrected simply through the love and patience of the partner and sex education. If not then the counsellor would have to explore whether she has issues like being in love with someone else, childhood sexual abuse or lesbianism which is making her uncomfortable sharing intimacy with you.

Sex tonics
I am a 33-year-old married man. Can you tell me which kind of food, herbs, vitamins or exercise can improve the quality of my erection?

There are no vitamins, herbs, minerals, food items or exercises that can improve the quality of your erection. Science has proved that all such claims are “false”. There is no scientifically proven ‘sex tonic’ or ‘aphrodisiac’ in any branch of medicine such as Allopathy, Homeopathy, Ayurveda etc.

Even Viagra (Sildenafil) does not bring about an erection. It can only help to ‘sustain’ the erection longer, once you have attained it naturally.

What drugs cannot do…. Love can do. ‘True Love’ is the most powerful stimulant and aphrodisiac.  

Want somebody close
I am 22 and single. I long for love and sex all the time. I need somebody who is secretly in love with me and have all types of relationship with me. Please help. Is it abnormal? I am restless.

What you are feeling is not abnormal. It is a human need to love and be loved. There is also another human need and that is to feel a sense of worthiness about oneself. You say you are restless. That means you are only hung up on the fulfillment of the first need ~ namely to love and be loved. For a sense of worthiness you need to put your energy in creative pursuits, activities and hobbies that increase your self-worth. This will make you feel good about yourself, take care of your restlessness and give you a chance to interact with people. While you are busy feeling good, the right person for you will come into your life. Till then, don’t worry, be happy. If you continue to feel restless even after this, you would need to have a few sessions with a good personal counsellor.

Cleanliness & attraction
I was married 4 years ago and have a kid of 2 years. My wife does not have any sense of hygiene - she has stinking armpits which she does not shave or wax.  She also does not understand the need for looking well groomed for her husband. She is very shabby, so I really do not feel like making love to her. I have now started looking at other smart looking females. Please advice me.

It is important that you bring to her notice very gently and lovingly, your discomfort with the unpleasant odor and any other unhygienic habits. Also suggest to her what she could actively do to eliminate all that, like waxing, using deodorant etc. In fact you could gift her with a beauty salon appointment and a deodorant. However take care to appreciate the person that she is. Go beyond appearances. Your wife is much more than her body. She is bound to have some good qualities as a wife and the mother of your child. A fulfilling relationship is based on love, care and understanding. Understand that your wife is not responsible for her lack of hygiene or aesthetic sense, because she has probably been brought up in such an environment and lacked exposure to the finer aspects of life. However she is definitely responsible for doing something about it, and here is where you come into the picture. You could very lovingly and actively help her with this transition and grow closer in the bargain.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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