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Heart To Heart

Monday, July 03, 2017

Casual sex
I am a lady with two daughters. My husband is a busy businessman. My high profile social life brings me in contact with several people and recently I got immensely attracted to a handsome man. Though he is married and has children, he has offered casual sexual encounters, whenever he visits my city. Should I go ahead? I am immensely attracted to him physically.

Casual sexual encounters are far from ‘casual’. Sex does not only involve the body, but also the mind. Intimacy is always a physical and an emotional encounter. As such, you would be creating complications in your life where none exist. Living a dual life as you suggest, could be emotionally de-stabilising and psychologically devastating.

You are probably dissatisfied with your intimate life with your busy husband, and this other man is making you feel attractive and desired. It would be best if you sit your husband down for a serious heart to heart talk about the status of your intimate life and your emotional needs in the relationship, and possibly see a marriage counselor together to revive the passion in your marriage. It will be time well invested.

Assess your interest and aptitude
I am 26 years old and working in government sector. Before joining this job I was preparing for civil services exams, but my parents forced me to join this job, which is too inferior to civil service. I tried to make understand them but all gone in vain. Ever since I am feeling changes in my behavior. I get angry very soon and feeling alone in the world. Sometimes, a normal conversation irritates me. I can't concentrate on my studies, which is creating depression. I also get madly attracted towards girls. Please tell me if these are the symptoms of any disease.

You are 26 years old and have a moral and legal right to your own decisions. Of course this also means that you accept and are responsible for all the repercussions that emerge from your decision ~ whether the repercussions come in the form of displeasure of family, doing without the income your present job brings etc.

What you are describing about yourself is an emotional disturbance arising out of an inner conflict. On one hand you want to follow your dream of being in the civil service by whole-heartedly preparing for the exams, but this is not backed by your family. On the other hand, you please your family by taking this job against your wishes, and you are unable to focus on your studies which will ultimately lead you to fulfill your dream. This is a decision which only you can and should make.

First, realistically assess your interest and aptitude. Then ask yourself where you will find true fulfillment. Finally follow your heart with determination. If you do this then your depressive feelings should soon pass.

If you still find yourself feeling low and unable to focus on your studies, there maybe other aspects to your problem. See a counsellor for a few sessions to get to the bottom of the matter.

By the way, your attraction for the opposite sex is perfectly normal for your age. Do not relate it to your problem.

PC muscles
I have been hearing a lot about PC muscles exercise enhancing sexual pleasure for women. What are PC muscles? How does one do the PC muscles exercise?

PC muscles stand for the Pubo-Coccygeus or Pubo-Coccygeal muscle group. This muscle group runs from the pubic bone in front to the tailbone in the rear and supports the pelvic floor. In women, this is the muscle that contracts during orgasm and gives the vagina a feeling of tightness. In men, this is the muscle that contracts when ejaculation takes place. A strong PC muscle contributes to your pleasure in sex in many ways. If you exercise it daily, you will build the muscle mass in the pelvic area, which will increase the amount of blood flowing to your genitals and allow for more pleasurable sensations during arousal. In addition, strong PC muscles can tighten the vagina and make intercourse, orgasm and ejaculation more enjoyable. An added benefit is that strong PC muscles often prevent bladder and prostate problems. In fact, correcting bladder problems in pregnant women was how this muscle was first discovered.  To exercise PC muscles, you must first learn to identify them. To find these muscles, stop and start the flow of urine while urinating. The muscles that tighten as you do this are the PC muscles. To exercise the muscles, contract them for a count of five, and then relax. Start with six repetitions, and then gradually build up to twenty-five repetitions over three months. Initially, holding the contraction for five seconds could be difficult, but like every muscle in our body, the more you exercise, the stronger they will become. It takes about three weeks of daily exercise for your PC muscles to get in shape. Once they are in shape, you should still exercise every day to keep them strong, and enjoy the benefits. For many women, Kegel exercises have the additional benefit of improving the quality of orgasms, making them more intense and even more frequent.

Refractory period
I am 27-year-old happily married man. I am very faithful to my wife. I wish to know that how long after one ejaculation can a healthy man get a second good erection? Can second erection be as good as the first one?  

When a man is having sex, his ‘endorphin’ level is very high. Almost immediately after ejaculation, he goes through a ‘refractory phase’ in which he loses his erection, he crashes and all his systems gear down. The refractory period changes from person to person. However after the refractory period, which could be twenty minutes to a few hours, one can get an equally good erection once again. The level of second erection depends on the level of excitement and stimulation.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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I am a 26-year-old educated man from Pune working
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)If you count on others for help you could be let down. This will be quite upsetting for you. However, this will help you to realize that you should not depend on others. Rest assured that through hard work you would achieve success. Gains are indicated. Your ego may get in the way of resolving a personal issue. If you are not careful you could lose the respect of a person who loves you.
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