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Heart To Heart

Monday, June 26, 2017

Coital alignment technique
What is the CAT position of performing intercourse? How similar or different is it from the missionary position?

The missionary position is one, which is the least likely to bring a woman to orgasm. The CAT position is a wonderful alternative to the missionary position of intercourse. In the missionary position, the clitoris stays out of the area that gets stimulated during intercourse. There is a subtle adjustment you can make during the missionary position of intercourse, that provides more direct stimulation to the clitoris, and greatly increases the chances of experiencing an orgasm. This position is called the “Coital Alignment Technique” or CAT position.

In the coital alignment technique, the male partner first assumes the normal missionary position. He takes his legs apart and flexes them in the knees to assume a position similar to that of a rider. The female partner keeps her legs together and not apart. Then he moves his body upwards about two inches so that he is in the intercourse position, also called ‘riding high’. The male partner’s pubic bone will rest on top of the female partner’s pubic bone so that the base of his penis presses on the clitoris.

The type of movements that take place with the CAT is different from the movements in the missionary position. In normal thrusting, most of the couples like to move in opposite directions. In the CAT position, both partners move together, and the actual range of movement is very small. It is as if your genitals are locked together and the clitoris and the base of the penis rub against each other. The pelvis moves but the rest of your bodies don’t. The use of this technique has many benefits. It will provide continuous stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse. And, since the bodies don’t move that much, one is less likely to become fatigued.    

Frequent tearing of foreskin
I got married three months back. After we have sex, my husband often develops small tears and abrasions around the opening of his foreskin, despite the fact that we use lubrication. Why is this happening and how can we prevent it? In addition, once the tears heal, the scars are more prone to injury once we have sex again. Is there any way to end this cycle?

It is difficult to identify what could be causing this painful situation, because there are various possibilities. To begin with, let the tears and abrasions heal completely before you attempt your next sexual encounter involving penile penetration. Second, consider that there may be a possibility that your husband is allergic to something such as a condom, a lubricant or even your own natural vaginal secretions. Try using condom if you think that the vaginal secretions are causing the irritation. If you suspect that it is the condom that you use is responsible, then try using a different brand of condom or get ‘polyurethane’ condoms instead of latex ones or vice versa. If the lubricant is the cause, try another one.

Your husband my also have accumulated smegma underneath the foreskin of his penis. If smegma builds up, it can form a crust and pull at the foreskin, tear the foreskin, and encourage the growth of infective micro-organisms. This may or may not be happening with your husband, however, proper hygiene by washing the penis underneath the foreskin regularly is very important and can help the cuts and abrasions heal faster.

A sexually transmitted infection could also be the cause of the irritation and the abrasions that your husband is getting. Do get him tested for common sexually transmitted infections. If the problem persists, it will be better to take professional help in person.

Pre-marital sexual expectations
My boyfriend wants to have sexual intercourse with me, but I am a virgin and want to get married before entering into any kind of physical relationship. But, he says that nobody waits anymore and pre-marital sex is very common. I am totally confused. He is great guy and I have a lot of fun with him. However, the fact remains that I am not comfortable with the idea of pre-marital sex, and he wants it to happen. Also, I don’t want my decision to hurt our relationship. What should I do?

You say he is a ‘great guy and that you have fun with him’. Is he also a loving, caring, nurturing, mature, and understanding person? That is the question! You say that your intimacy values permit you to share your body in sexual intimacy only in a committed, meaningful and lasting relationship. You not only have every right to subscribe to these values and act in accordance with them, but also to communicate how important these values are to you, and that if he truly cared he would respect the same. If your decision of waiting till marriage upsets him to the point that he holds your relationship hostage, and threatens to break off if you do not engage in pre-marital sex, then you are better off without him. This could be the litmus test for him, his maturity and understanding, as well as about what he values more in this relationship with you. However, if after some pouting on his part, he respects your decision to wait, then you would know that this relationship with him is worth building on.

Life After Marriage
I am 22-year-old girl. I will be getting married in one-month time. It is going to be an arranged marriage. My friends tell me that your life changes completely after marriage. Is it true? This unknown, impending change makes me very anxious and nervous. Please help.

Yes, life does change after marriage and it should. Before marriage one lives only for oneself, but with the marriage vows one commences on a beautiful journey of caring and sharing, expanding one’s heart to include someone other than oneself. Change is not to be shied away from. Change means getting out of your comfort zone and living your life in the best possible way. It is the way of personal growth and thus extremely life-positive.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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