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Heart To Heart

Monday, March 20, 2017

Sexual Position and Conception
We got married four months back. We are eager to have a child. Which is the ‘ideal’ position of intercourse for conception to happen? Secondly, after he ejaculates inside me how long does he have to stay inside me? Thirdly, after we have had sex, do I have to keep my legs up? How long does it take for the sperm to go inside? Fourthly, can I wash myself up after sex? Fifthly, what are the best days for having sex?

If the penis is in the vagina and ejaculation happens, then ANY position is OK for conception. He need not stay inside you for any specific duration after ejaculation for conception to take place.

You need not keep your legs up. Sperms can swim in any direction, even against gravity. You can wash yourself normally after sex. Never try to wash your vagina from inside at any time, whether you wish to conceive or even otherwise.

Have sexual intercourse on alternate days from the 10th. to the 22nd. day of the menstrual cycle.

Give a Voice to Your Feelings
I am 21-year-old boy. I am studying in college and quite popular among girls but I am of a somewhat shy nature. A girl knows me from the past 2-3 years and it seems is interested in me and I am hesitant to make the first move from the last few years. If a girl keeps staring at you and looks around for you, to see if you are around, which was seen by me by hiding myself; what do I make out from that? Is she interested in me? Is she inclined for a friendship? How do you read it? I wanted to ask you if it will be appropriate to go to a girl after 3 years of knowing her and tell that I like her. What do u think? Is it too late or do I still have a chance?

Well, you will never know until you ask her, will you? Don’t keep playing guessing games ~ She loves me , she loves me not. You may either be reading too much into her actions because that is what you want to believe, which could leave you nursing a broken heart soon.

It is never too late to give a voice to your feelings. On the other hand, she may be interested and waiting for you to express your feelings... for your first move. But if this is not so, then at least you would have known. That will leave you free to move on. As far as your chances are concerned, who can tell! In either case, you need to break the suspense for yourself by mustering up the courage to talk to her.  Life comes to those who live it !

Do get on with life with or without her is all we can say.

Double Dilemma
I am 21-year-old student. Two of my very good friends, both boys, have proposed me. I like both of them very much... I care for them..., but I don't love them ‘romantically’. I don't want both of them to get hurt; but I also don't want to get hurt myself. What should I do? I am confused.

Open and honest communication is always the best way. Let both your friends know in no unclear terms, how much you value their friendship, but cannot reciprocate their feelings. I repeat, speak in very clear terms so that neither one of them continues to hope. This is definitely not going to be a pleasant experience for them, but nevertheless necessary. If they are mature, they will not hold your refusal against you. However, since from their side there has been a substantial emotional investment, it could take time for them to get over it. As far as you losing them as friends is concerned, I think it comes second. The choice should be theirs. If they feel they can re-establish just a friendship with you and be okay with it, that’s fine, but if they find it difficult to do the same, it would be cruel to insist that they be just friends with you for your comfort. Also, to avoid a repetition of similar incidents in your life, do introspect and see whether there is anything in your behaviour with boys that could lead them to believe that you are interested in them romantically.

Holiday Romance
I was in Europe on a holiday trip and I came to know a girl during my trip. We had some nice time talking about various subjects and got to  knowing each other quite well. But as always after the trip was over we had to go back to our respective cities. I had her cell phone number and wrote an SMS and called her on her mailbox. But unfortunately she did not reply to me back. I started liking her and now I am little upset. Please suggest what I should do?

Holiday romances rarely have Hollywood endings. In this case it seems more like a one-sided romance. She quite clearly wants you to just be a friend in passing. Anyway, long-distance relationships, even if two-sided, usually fizzle out after a while, because there maybe more dynamic relationships available around.WeI would say, it’s high time you get back from your European rendezvous and get ready to welcome that lovely ‘someone’ into your life. Of course that will only happen if you are fully ‘here and now’ instead of ‘there and then’. Come on, enter the ‘real world’!!

Duration of Intercourse
I am a 27-year-old man. I will be getting married soon. My friends have been giving all mixed information to me. I want to know, for an average male, how long should a sexual intercourse last to satisfy the female partner?

It is a matter of mutual “satisfaction”. Only you and your partner can determine this. Knowing about others and trying to find out about the “average”, will only give you an ‘unnecessary’ complex. Moreover, often, men tend to exaggerate their claims of going on for a long time, thus leading to complexes in others. This complex will be detrimental to your sexual performance and to your relationship. Therefore, relax and enjoy your very own ‘normal’ duration with your partner.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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I am a 24-year old Muslim woman, married to a 26-
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)You feel a bit bored with your circumstances. You will be jolted out of your complacence with news that you may have to do something which is not convenient right now. You should not take changes around you personally. Do not jump to any conclusions but wait for an explanation. Money matters are cause for differences with your mate which disturb harmony at home. Interfering relatives will add to your woes.
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