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Heart To Heart

Monday, March 06, 2017

Sexual position and conception
We got married four months back. We are eager to have a child. Which is the ‘ideal’ position of intercourse for conception to happen? Secondly, after he ejaculates inside me how long does he have to stay inside me? Thirdly, after we have had sex, do I have to keep my legs up? How long does it take for the sperm to go inside? Fourthly, can I wash myself up after sex? Fifthly, what are the best days for having sex?

If the penis is in the vagina and ejaculation happens, then ANY position is OK for conception. He need not stay inside you for any specific duration after ejaculation for conception to take place. You need not keep your legs up. Sperms can swim in any direction, even against gravity. You can wash yourself normally after sex. Never try to wash your vagina from inside at any time, whether you wish to conceive or even otherwise. Have sexual intercourse on alternate days from the 10th. to the 22nd. day of the menstrual cycle.

Give a voice to your feelings
I am 21-year-old boy. I am studying in college and quite popular among girls but I am of a somewhat shy nature. A girl knows me from the past 2-3 years and it seems is interested in me and I am hesitant to make the first move from the last few years. If a girl keeps staring at you and looks around for you, to see if you are around, which was seen by me by hiding myself; what do I make out from that? Is she interested in me? Is she inclined for a friendship? How do you read it? I wanted to ask you if it will be appropriate to go to a girl after 3 years of knowing her and tell that I like her. What do u think? Is it too late or do I still have a chance?

Well, you will never know until you ask her, will you? Don’t keep playing guessing games ~ She loves me , she loves me not. You may either be reading too much into her actions because that is what you want to believe, which could leave you nursing a broken heart soon. It is never too late to give a voice to your feelings. On the other hand, she may be interested and waiting for you to express your feelings... for your first move. But if this is not so, then at least you would have known. That will leave you free to move on. As far as your chances are concerned, who can tell! In either case, you need to break the suspense for yourself by mustering up the courage to talk to her.  Life comes to those who live it ! Do get on with life with or without her is all we can say.

Double dilemma
I am 21-year-old student. Two of my very good friends, both boys, have proposed me. I like both of them very much... I care for them..., but I don't love them ‘romantically’. I don't want both of them to get hurt; but I also don't want to get hurt myself. What should I do? I am confused.

Open and honest communication is always the best way. Let both your friends know in no unclear terms, how much you value their friendship, but cannot reciprocate their feelings. I repeat, speak in very clear terms so that neither one of them continues to hope. This is definitely not going to be a pleasant experience for them, but nevertheless necessary. If they are mature, they will not hold your refusal against you. However, since from their side there has been a substantial emotional investment, it could take time for them to get over it. As far as you losing them as friends is concerned, I think it comes second. The choice should be theirs. If they feel they can re-establish just a friendship with you and be okay with it, that’s fine, but if they find it difficult to do the same, it would be cruel to insist that they be just friends with you for your comfort. Also, to avoid a repetition of similar incidents in your life, do introspect and see whether there is anything in your behaviour with boys that could lead them to believe that you are interested in them romantically.

Sudden withdrawal
I’m 32 and was averse to relationships & marriage until I fell in love for the 1st time 1 and 1/2 yrs ago. Both the families happily agreed and we’ve been going around normally. Suddenly my man seems to have stopped all contact with me for over 1 month. This has brought tremendous tensions in both families. But despite all my attempts to contact him by mail or phone, he’s not responding. His parents speak to me regularly but I’m in deep agony and cannot accept that there’s suddenly no love left between us. Pls advice and help ASAP.

Since we do not know much about this man in your life, we can only hazard a guess as to why he is behaving in this way. He is either in another more fulfilling relationship, or is facing a crisis of some kind (internal or external), or has a fear of intimacy or fear of commitment, or then has been repulsed by some behaviour on your part which you are unaware of and which he has left unexpressed. In either case, you deserve to know the reason, so that both of you can either work to resolve it or then gracefully part ways. He seems to be either scared of facing you for fear of your reaction or then he just does not know how to go about it. It is important that you somehow get a message through to him which clearly states that you need to know the reason for his withdrawal and that he owes an explanation to you. Also state that you are ready for the relationship to go either way, because you would anyway never be fulfilled if it was one-sided. Let him know that he need not fear an over-reaction on your part , and that if he so wanted you would be more than willing to work through any problem with him or then mutually agree to part ways. This message would serve to relax him if he is avoiding communication only out of fear and anxiety. If he does not respond to this message, then get a hold of yourself and move on. You deserve better!

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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I recently got married. The few times I tried to
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Select Sun sign:
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)Use restraint and avoid confrontation with colleagues who may create obstacles in your work. Routine matters are going very well for you right now. This is not the time to make any rash moves though you may be tempted to do so. A longing for moments of freedom and romance make you plan a special evening in the company of your beloved.
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