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Heart To Heart

Monday, January 16, 2017

Avoid dry penetration
We got married recently. I am 32 and my wife is 31. We are painfully struggling with our sexual relationship. Each time we attempt intercourse; my penis develops cuts due to rubbing of genitals. How to prevent this from happening?

Lack of adequate lubrication is invariably the only cause for such complaints. Early penetration while the vagina is still dry, can cause the cuts.  Engage in a relaxed and prolonged foreplay for at least twenty minutes before intercourse, so that the lubrication from both sides is adequate. Good foreplay is one, when both the partners are more than willing and enjoy pleasuring each other. Adequate foreplay will produce good amount of natural lubrication, and that will solve the problem.

Good relation vs good sex
I am 27. For me a good relationship is important but I also feel that the relationship must have really good sexual component. Sex is very important to me and I also want a good relationship. I have been in two relationships till now. In first there was very good understanding, friendship and warmth but sex was low. In second relationship sex was very strong but romance was so so. I am confused. Kindly guide me!

For healthy couples, sex is a natural extension of a good intimate emotional relationship, so if you want a good sexual relationship, it needs to be embedded in a good overall relationship. Remember, sex is not the foundation of a healthy relationship, but it is a natural extension of a relationship in which giving and receiving mutual support and comfort are common. Now what you have to see is whether the relationship is a mature and responsible one. Infatuations rarely turn into mutually fulfilling relationships. For any long term relationship to be successful, it must be based on a mature understanding of each other and a committed responsibility towards the relationship. Check out and see which one of the two fits the bill.

Dream about climaxing
I have been married since 6 years, and I have a son also, but till now I have not experienced the orgasm. I dream about experiencing climax but have never experienced one. Is there any technique or method you can suggest to fulfill my dream?

You need to assume the ‘woman on top’ position during intercourse so that you can stimulate yourself in a manner that takes you to an orgasm. Your husband will enjoy anyway. It is also advisable that both you and your husband see a sex counsellor for a single session in which you and especially he, will be educated about foreplay and other needs of a woman. Relax in your sexuality and be free during intimacy, then only will you touch the heights which you dream of.

G spot
What is G-Spot? My patients ask this question very often and I find no answer in medical books.

“G–Spot” is an area of increased sensitivity within the vagina, with maximum potential for sexual arousal. It is supposed to be located on the upper vaginal wall about two inches from the external vaginal opening.

G-spot got its name after it's discoverer Ernest Grafenberg a German gynaecologist in 1950. It has been described as a mass of tissue about the size of a small bean in the unstimulated state. If present, a woman will be able to pinpoint it by sliding her finger(s) with forward, backward or side-to-side movement. With increased and intense stimulation the tissue purportedly swells to the size of a mini ball and becomes firm. If the stimulation is continued she will climax.

There is not much information available about the G-spot simply because experts are unable to pinpoint and label the area, nor can they locate the nerves that trigger the response. The existence of this spot is also not accepted by many authorities.

Please note that the G-spot is more for academic discussion than for practical use.

There are conflicting results from studies done to locate the G-spot. Ladas, Perry and Whipper, authors of a book about the “G-spot”, state that examination of more than 400 women identified the G-spot in each one. But the studies at the Masters & Johnson Institute proved otherwise, where less than 10 percent of a sample of over 100 women who were carefully examined had an area of heightened sensitivity in the front wall of the vagina or a tissue mass that fit the various descriptions of this area. Another recent study by Alzate and Londono, also was unable to find evidence supporting the existence of the “G-spot”, although many of the women studied showed signs of erotic sensitivity in the front wall of the vagina. Thus, at present, it seems that much more research is needed to establish whether the “G-spot” exists as a distinct anatomical structure. The “spoon position” would be the best position for the stimulation of the front wall of the vagina where the G-spot is thought to be present.

Unresolved emotional issues
I am a really sensitive person and I cry really easily when I am hurt but I think my boyfriend is so sick of my unpredictable emotions that he doesn't want to be around me anymore. What can I do to get back to where we used to be?

I believe that you have a lot of unresolved emotional issues in you which could go as far back as your childhood. You need to see a counsellor to sort them out. As far as your boyfriend is concerned, since he is your boyfriend and not your counsellor, he probably does not know how to handle your emotions and is overwhelmed by them. That is natural and understandable. If he knows that you are sorting out matters with a counsellor, he may find it safe enough to be in the relationship again. But if he does not want to stick by you while you are working through your feelings, then read the writing on the walls – you are better off without him.

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I am a 48 years old woman. Three years back I hav
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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