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Heart To Heart

Monday, December 12, 2016

Safe frequency of sex
We are married for eight months. My husband has different natures. He wants to have sex daily 3 or 4 times. Is it safe to have sex that often?

As far as safety is concerned, that is not a problem. But are you comfortable with it physically and emotionally? That is the issue. Sex should be a mutually pleasurable activity and a sharing of intimacy. If it is not so for you then you need to have a frank talk with him about how you feel about it ,or then both of you could see a sex counsellor. If he cares for you , both of you will be able to negotiate and come up with a win-win situation , where both of you are appropriately satisfied.

Refractory period in men
I am 27-year-old happily married man. I am very faithful to my wife. I wish to know that how long after one ejaculation can a healthy man get a second good erection? Can second erection be as good as the first one?  

When a man is having sex, his ‘endorphin’ level is very high. Almost immediately after ejaculation, he goes through a ‘refractory phase’ in which he loses his erection, he crashes and all his systems gear down. The refractory period changes from person to person. However after the refractory period, which could be twenty minutes to a few hours, one can get an equally good erection once again. The level of second erection depends on the level of excitement and stimulation.

Matching blood groups before marriage
How important and medically relevant is it to match blood groups of the couple before getting married?

Blood group matching before marriage is given undue importance by some ill-informed people. It carries importance only to the point, that if ‘Rh factors’ of both the partners are not matching, it can be harmful for the second child of the couple. However if such incompatibility is known beforehand, precaution may be taken to avoid any harm to the second child. An injection of “Anti D Immunoglobulin” to the mother immediately after the birth of her first child (or first abortion) is all that is required to prevent any harm to the subsequent pregnancy.

I cannot share these feelings
I am doing my MBA. I started liking one girl from my institute. We both exchanged smiles and even went for a walk every Friday night. The way she conducted herself made me feel she liked me. Slowly we became very good friends. I started giving her small signals that I am interested. I don't know whether she got my signals or not.  But all of a sudden after her exams, she started to move around with another guy. Slowly their frequency of meeting increased. Few days ago I saw that girl going to that guy’s room at night. I went on the terrace and tried to snatch a view through the window. I was shocked...they were kissing each other. Now I am heart broken. because I was expecting her to be mine. I get extremely disappointed and jealous. I am trying to forget her.... but in vain. Even today when she appears before me.... she smiles the same way and even I have to respond...which I don't want to do. I want to convey what she has done to my feelings.

One more thing.... it’s not that I have lost her completely...even today we both go for a walk alone and share our thoughts. But I wanted to have good sexual relations with her, which I cannot have now. Please tell me what should I do. I am heart broken. I even cannot share this feeling with any of my friends. Do tell me how should I conduct myself with her.

You say that nothing was ever clearly spoken by either one of you about where your relationship with her was going. It is possible that she waited for you to speak up about your feelings, and when she saw that no clear and active attempt was being made from your side, she was open to other possibilities. On the other hand, it is also possible that she has always just seen you as a ‘good friend’ and herself did not want more from you.

In either case I believe you need an ‘emotional closure’ with her. You could talk to her about your feelings towards her on one of your walks. She will either respond positively or then clarify that she sees you as only as a friend. Either way, this act will clearly show you where you stand in this relationship, and then you can get on with your life. It is however important that you emotionally prepare yourself for either answer. Ask yourself is life really so terrible if she is not in it? 
On a scale of 0 to 100 of badness, how bad is living a life without her? Is it as bad as say, not having her plus losing your limbs in an accident plus losing your home in an earthquake? If you are honest with yourself, you will realize that though it will definitely be painful to adjust to a new ‘normal’ in your life without her, it is not the ‘end of your world’. Moreover, she has the freedom to choose how she wants to live her life. As far as coping with your life is concerned, take active effort to mingle socially.

Sex during pregnancy
My wife (Age 22) is pregnant for the first time. She is in her fourth month of pregnancy. I wish to know, can we have sexual intercourse while she is pregnant? If yes, is there any special precaution that I need to take? Please explain.

Intercourse during the initial six to twelve weeks of pregnancy as well as during the last eight weeks of pregnancy is not advisable. During the fourth to seventh month of pregnancy, intercourse is allowed unless you are otherwise advised for medical reasons. Avoid the missionary (man-superior) position during pregnancy. You may try ‘woman superior position’ or ‘spoon position’ so that your wife is comfortable.

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We are married for eight months. My husband has d
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Select Sun sign:
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)You can achieve much more than you think. You seem to be underestimating yourself. However if you try you can reach new heights. A certain project that is due for an early completion will get extended with more work. The married may find that their mate is a bit angry. Try some tender loving care to overcome the situation. Time spent with the family will bring joy.
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