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Heart To Heart

Monday, October 10, 2016

Masturbation in girls
I am a 21 year old girl and have a bad habit since 3-4 years. Whenever I get an urge to urinate, I take a pillow between my legs and press it with my hands towards my body for some seconds. I got this habit because once I needed to control urine, but while doing so I enjoyed doing it…so I started doing it very frequently. Sometimes I get pain during urination due to this habit. Will this habit cause any harm to me in a long run?

What you have described in your question is nothing but one of the ways of masturbation in girls. All techniques of self-stimulation are collectively known as Masturbation. If you are not violent with the process and do it strictly in your privacy, maintaining proper hygiene, it will not cause any harm to you. Any frequency of masturbation is fine as long as you are not hurting your genitals and not overly obsessed with it to the point of ignoring other aspects of your life such as academics, career, relationships etc.

An aggressive mechanical rubbing during masturbation can cause urethral inflammation in females. An infection can then enter the inflamed urethra and bladder causing urinary infection. That is why you experience some kind of pain while urinating whenever you masturbate more frequently.

Mother’s concern
I have a steady boyfriend. I have sex very regularly with him. But once my mother saw us doing it and has been now forcing him to marry me. I don’t want to marry so soon as I am only 18. Even he is not ready for marriage. What shall I do?

I am sure that you can understand your mother’s concern for a young daughter. She is acting out of her protective instinct. You are only 18 and though you may be legally an adult, you have a lot of growing up to do emotionally. Sexual responsibility is not only confined to safe sex physically, but it also means being ready to emotionally relate with someone on such an intimate level. If for some reason your relationship does not work out in the long run, such prolonged involved intimacy could leave you emotionally scarred and de-stabilized just as a divorce leaves the married partners disturbed. Your mother is trying in her own way, to protect you from such a scenario by insisting on marriage. It would be good if you and your mother see a counsellor together to find a way out of this situation.

Nocturnal emission
I used to masturbate regularly for two years. I stopped it since last two months. Ever since I stopped masturbating I started getting wet dreams causing nightfall. Is there anything wrong with my reproductive system? How do I get myself treated for this ailment?

Wet dreams, Nightfall or ‘Nocturnal emission of semen’ are different names of the same phenomenon, and this phenomenon is perfectly normal. At the
age of 12-13, the testes in boys start producing sperms. At this age boys start developing sexual attraction towards girls, and start discharging semen during sleep. This discharge is invariably accompanied by sexual dreams. This is a normal, natural, involuntary and uncontrollable response to sexual tension that gets built up within the body due to sex hormones. There is no reason to be worried, frightened or feel guilty about a wet dream. It happens with all men and is not a disease. It is completely harmless and has no ill effect on one’s health or manhood.

If you do not masturbate, then nightfall is inevitable. One of these two things have to happen.

A normal man produces at least 20 thousand sperms every minute; and the same number of old sperms die every minute. With this rate of production (spermatogenesis), one needs an outlet. Either one can ejaculate (through intercourse or masturbation) or then nightfall will happen naturally. Neither nightfall is a disease nor masturbation. Both are harmless and physiological.

Why Indian girls are so shy?
I am 25 year old single man of Indian origin. I have lived in USA most of my life. I am frustrated over one thing. I just wanted to know why girls in India feel so shy to have sex and feel inhibited during sexual act though they enjoy sex. Why is it so? While in USA I found many American girls who are nymphomaniacs. Why are Indian girls so repressed?

Women have been conditioned to believe that an open display of passion during sex is ‘unladylike’, and they fear being labelled as ‘nymphomaniacs’. This is the reason why women rarely give in to their natural physical urges and why they don’t uninhibitedly indulge in sex with an unbridled passion. In actuality, women are capable of multiple orgasms and therefore, the men in our male dominated society, due to their own fear of not being able to satisfy the woman, has conditioned women to believe that they are supposed to be the passive partner in sex and that active sex is a male domain.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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When I was 18 years old, my sister was at 16 year
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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