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Heart To Heart

Monday, October 03, 2016

Relationship brings responsibilities
I met a girl last year in June when I joined my computer institute. Actually she is the younger sister of the counselor of that institute and at that time I had a little chat with her. And I really liked the confidence and her charming nature and I got attracted to her but could not tell her since our class timings were different and I didn’t have time to come during her timing. So thts why I somehow got her mail id and told her everything about what I feel about her...and she accepted my friendship and replied to all my mails...but now her course is complete and she no more comes to institute... Well rite now she is out of station and will come may be in December...and I want to know how to deal with her because her status is far better than mine and she is so confident and I really don’t know when she will come in front of me then how should I react...please doctor help me by telling that how should I react and what gift should I give to her when she will return.

I have no inkling of your age, but since you mention the computer institute, I presume that you are in the career-building phase of your life. You have also mentioned the difference in status. As far as having a friendship is concerned there seems to be no real problem as she has so far been responding positively to all your friendly overtures via email. However, if you are thinking of a more seriously involved long-term relationship then you need to focus on career-building very seriously. Remember, every relationship brings responsibilities with it. Your difference in status is very real and though money does not buy happiness, it is definitely a necessity in the real world. Therefore, you can continue your friendship but start including your career plans in your conversations. Let her see that you are a responsible and mature person who understands the responsibilities of life. If she has a liking for you, then such meaningful and responsible conversations could warm her up to the possibility of a long-term relationship with you in spite of the current difference in status.

Wife evades sex
My wife does not have sex? What should I do to make it agreeable to her? It is affecting my marriage adversely. Pls advise.

It is important to understand why she needs to evade sex. Is it because she has been left unsatisfied or has had painful experiences of the sexual act with you? Is it because of fear of pregnancy? Is it because she disapproves of the kind of sexual behavior you demand? Is it because she considers the sexual act as sinful, dirty etc.? Is it because she has been a victim of sexual abuse? Is it because she has unresolved emotional issues with you and so cannot give in to intimacy without resolving them? Is she unwell? Is she overworked and too busy with the home and children? Is she involved with someone else? Does she have lesbian tendencies? All this needs to be explored with your wife. I suggest that both of you have a session with a good sex counsellor to reach to the bottom of the matter.

Are all guys like that?
I am Sheetal (age 24). Me and my boyfriend have been going around for 3 yrs and we have been physically involved. My boyfriend says that he will marry me but every time we meet he wants to have sex? Is it normal? Whenever he is with me he gets an erection and he masturbates at least 3-4 times. He says he loves me very much. I am scared that he will eventually get tired of me and marry someone else. Is it normal for a guy to masturbate so many times? Is masturbation necessary for guys? Are all guys like that? Do married people have sex everyday?

Masturbation is common in boys at this age. Male sexuality is body-centered, which makes boys/men more prone to get physically intimate sexually.
It is true that your being easily available and his excessive sexual indulgence with you may make him lose interest in long-term, committed relationship such as marriage with you.

You also need to note that there is always a possibility of unwanted pregnancy in such intimate and frequent sexual encounters premaritally. I wonder what is stopping you from getting married. You say you are 24-year-old. This is the perfect age to get married.

Married people have sex as often as they mutually desire. It could be everyday!

He is still cheating on me
I have a problem, my husband and I have been married for five years, he lives in Panama. We had a problem. I went unexpected and caught him with another woman, I forgive him but still have doubt that he is still cheating on me. He said that he will be coming to live here some time and can give me a date. So could you tell how to deal with this situation?

It is important to know what your expectations from this marriage are. Are you okay with his extra-marital affair/s as long as you get something out of being in this marriage e.g. financial security, the label of marriage etc.? If yes, then I have nothing to say, but if not, then it is important that there be trust in the relationship with both parties being worthy of that trust (irrespective of the geographical distance). For that, getting into marriage counselling is a must. However, since it is not possible for both of you right away, you should go in for personal counselling to clarify your feelings, motivations and understanding in this matter.

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I met a girl last year in June when I joined my c
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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