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Heart To Heart

Monday, September 26, 2016

Diabetes and Erectile Dysfunction
I am a married man with three children. Now days during sexual intercourse my penis does not have enough strength and does not get hard to have a successful intercourse. I am a diabetic with sugar level of 227 fasting. Doc, please help me urgently.

Your blood sugar level is high. It is suggestive of diabetes mellitus.

The inability to attain and maintain an erection is termed as ‘Erectile Dysfunction’ and commonly occurs in those suffering from diabetes mellitus. The prevalence of erectile dysfunction in diabetes ranges from 35% - 75%. Uncontrolled diabetes affects the blood vessels as well as causes neuropathy, due to which one starts finding difficulty with having an erection.

To treat the erectile dysfunction, you will have to first get yourself properly treated for diabetes. Once your diabetes is controlled through diet and medication, your erectile problem may get corrected itself, or then it will be easier to treat it even separately.

Get Real
I have been smitten by a married lady! I really am head over heels about her but I am not too sure whether to proceed ahead with the overtures. There is enormous attraction & equal amount of guilt because she is married! I AM JUST GOING INSANE THINKING ABOUT HER PLEASE ADVICE THE RIGHT WAY

This fantasy world of yours is sure to leave you more and more emotionally distraught as time goes on. Even if you proceed with her, still you will only be left psychologically de-stabilized. The best way is to get into other ‘real’, meaningful and fulfilling social relationships with your peer group in the ‘real’ world. Get busy with building a ‘real’ personal life, social life, creative life and professional life which satisfies you and you will soon start seeing this situation just as a passing phase of a growing man. The ‘right’ unattached person for you is sure to come along if only you make way for her in your heart.

Premature Ejaculation
I am 23 years... whenever I see any porn movies or any exciting sexual scene, my penis ejaculates before getting even proper erection. Is this a kind of deficiency? I will be getting married by the end of this year.  

What is happening with you is not a physical problem, but a “learning disability”. It is one form of “premature ejaculation”. There are no medical causes for premature ejaculation. It is essentially of a psycho-behavioral origin.

Ejaculating early is invariably a learned reflex response that can be effectively reconditioned when a man actively pursues learning ejaculation control during masturbation. You need to increase your awareness of the sensations of arousal building so that you can identify the level of your arousal.
Secondly, awareness of sensations of arousal and ejaculatory control can be learned by a following a step-by-step process using techniques such as stop-start technique. Besides techniques, certain ‘exercises for sphincter control’ and ‘use of condom’ may help in some cases.

Restraint in Sex
I am 22 and my fiancé is 27. We are planning to get married sometime next year. Recently he suggested that we live together until then, but we should refrain from any genital sex. He says that we could engage only in petting and caressing. I am a bit suspicious and concerned about this restraint by him. What I know of men and male sexuality is that men find it very difficult to exercise restraint in sex. Kindly explain.

If you love each other, if you are sexually attracted to each other, if you have the freedom and privacy to get physically intimate... then it may be very difficult to refrain from going ahead with intercourse. Physical intimacy may sexually arouse both of you to such an extent that it may become tormenting to avoid intercourse. I wonder what is stopping you from getting married earlier! There may be a deeper cause in the mind of your fiancé for avoiding intercourse. It may be related to performance anxiety or a self-doubt related to penis size or erectile ability. It could also be related to fear of pregnancy or even religious beliefs. It will be better if both of you could openly discuss this matter personally or with the help of a good sex counsellor.

Delay Condoms
I am 33 year old man. I want to know whether ‘delay condoms’ available with the chemists are helpful in bettering your sexual performance?  Is there any side effect of using them?  

All ‘delay’ condoms are pre-lubricated with anesthetic jelly. Anesthetic jelly is expected to reduce the perception of sensations on the penis, thus helping people who experience early ejaculation to have a longer duration of intercourse. However, it does not work in a large number of cases.  
Desensitization achieved with the help of the chemicals can damage the delicate parts of the penis. There is also the danger that this synthetic anesthetic effect could lead to intercourse being more violent. Such sexual acts tend to get aggressive and thus can be harmful for the sensitive and delicate genital parts of both the partners. Some people also experience irritation and/or itching due to allergy or hypersensitivity to such jellies.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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I am a married man with three children. Now days
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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