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Heart To Heart

Monday, September 19, 2016

Penis Size Issue
I am a 20 year old boy facing problems regarding my penis size . Though it is about 5.2 inches in length on erection, but it is too small & has very less girth when it is flaccid. Please help to increase the girth and length of my penis in its flaccid state.

There are no pills, injections, diets or techniques to increase the size of your penis. You also need to know that the size of the penis neither determines the pleasure of a male partner nor does it affect the pleasure of a female partner. Though all penises are different in their flaccid state, they become much more similar in size, when they get erect. In men, only the ‘Glans-penis’ is sensitive to erotic sensations. The shaft behind the glans is incapable of feeling erotic sensations. So the pleasure of the male partner does not depend on the entire length of the penis, but depends only on the sensitivity (and not the length) of the glans-penis.

In women, only the outer 1/3 rd (about 2 inches) of the vagina is capable of experiencing sensations. In that case, if the erect penis is even two inches in length, it is adequate to satisfy the female partner.

History Need Not Repeat Itself
My Boyfriend and I have been going out a little over a month. He says he really likes me, and I really like him. He reminds me of my older brother, has the same temper, and it worries me cause my brother has an assault charge, cause he hit his wife. How can I be sure that he won’t hit me, if he loses his temper? Am I worrying over nothing, cause of the memories that haunt me of my older brother? He's 19 and I’m 18.

Firstly, history need not repeat itself i.e. your boyfriend need not behave like your brother as they are two different persons, BUT, one must learn from history and be aware i.e. see whether your boyfriend expresses his anger in socially acceptable ways or not. If there are signs of verbal abuse or even a push or a shove, then beware, this could be a sign for things to come – put an end to it immediately by asserting yourself with him; he must know that you will not stand for this. However, if he gets angry due to a difference of opinion, expresses it through words without humiliating you and attacking your self-worth, and sorts out the difference through communication, then he is normal and there is nothing to be concerned about. However, both of you are still young; understand each other better before you get serious about the relationship.  

Psychogenic Erectile Dysfunction
I read your piece in masturbation few weeks ago. It was very pacifying. I can attain very good erection whenever I masturbate in my privacy, however when I attempted sexual intercourse with my fiancé last week, I could not achieve good erection and thus could not perform intercourse. Why did such a thing happen? I am deeply disturbed. Please guide.

It is a common occurrence. Sex before marriage is invariably associated with guilt, hesitation, fear and self-doubt. These feelings affect the erection (Psychogenic erectile dysfunction). Moreover, girls with a moral upbringing are invariably reluctant to indulge, or fail to actively participate in intercourse before marriage. Invariably, they agree for intercourse only under emotional compulsion and thus fail to give a free and spontaneous response during the act. The lack of response from the partner also affects one’s level of sexual excitement and subsequently the erection.

Don’t rush into sex
I am 24 and soon getting married. I just wanted to know what does a newly married girl expect from her husband on first night? and what are the need of a girl during sex ? and how should I approach her for sex ? Can I approach her for sex right on the first night? Will it be fine?

First of all, a lot depends on whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage. If it is a love marriage then I would presume that a meeting of the minds, sharing of feelings, hopes and dreams, and some level of intimacy would already have taken place. You would have already understood each other to a certain degree and bonded with each other, which is the foundation of physical intimacy. On the other hand, in an arranged marriage, all the above has yet to happen, and if you rush into physical intimacy without having laid the foundation of the relationship, it may be very awkward and embarrassing for her. Therefore, if you are entering an arranged marriage, your first goal must be to become her ‘friend’ and make her your ‘friend’. Don’t rush into sex. Even if you spend your first night and honeymoon developing a friendship and a bond it is okay, in fact even advisable (which is unlike what many of your friends and relatives would advise). After developing an emotional closeness, physical closeness very naturally will happen, and it is best to let it ‘happen’.

Having said that, whether in a love marriage or arranged, there must be adequate and foreplay before you get into the actual act. A woman needs a much longer foreplay than a man, in order to be aroused, and it is only when she is aroused, that she will enjoy the act with you and also be satisfied. If you rush her, then it may not only leave her dissatisfied, but may also result in pain, which is not the best way to start any relationship.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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I am a 20 year old boy facing problems regarding
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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