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Heart To Heart

Monday, August 29, 2016

Prevention of Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse of young girls is said to be very common. How do we educate our 7 year old and 11 year old children to avoid such a thing happening to them when they are away from us?

As a starting point, tell your children that no one has a right to touch them in a way that appears strange and unusual. Each one of us has a right to keep certain parts of our body ‘private’. Tell them that if anyone ever touches them in a way that feels strange and unusual, she should tell that person to stop it and then tell you about it, even if the person is a close relative, neighbor or even a teacher.

  • It is necessary to tell children that most people are good people who do not harm children; but there are also ‘sick’ and ‘selfish’ people who could harm them. Tell them that this applies to everyone they knows and not just strangers.
  • Tell them to tell to you if any adult asks them to keep a “secret”.
  • If your child tells you she has been sexually abused, believe her immediately and completely. In most cases, kids do not lie about sexual abuse.
  • It is important to remember that the victims of these crimes are most of the time not responsible for what happened to them. They sometimes feel—and are sometimes made to feel—that it was their fault that they were abused. Make sure your kids know this fact. Tell them you will believe them and protect them if they tell you about the abuse and that you will never blame them or be angry with them for doing so.

Never judge a book by its cover
I am a student at an engineering college in India and shall be going for higher studies to the USA in two years. The thing is I now feel a real need of a good friend in my life (I don't know why my heart says -it should be a girl, may be I am getting a bit sexual or because I’m influenced by my friends, those who have girlfriends, I really don't know) but this is for sure that I really need somebody to share my feelings. It is not that I am in a great state of depression; it's just what I feel about these days. Now, the problem is I am a guy really hating girls, means I can't tolerate the stupid girls here at my place at least. I just can't talk to them and their presence makes me feel awkward. I don't have a personal enmity with any girl still I abhor girls. I think they all are not worth calling girls (I feel the same for most of the girls I have met, having extreme pride for their beauty and sexuality). In such a situation what should I do? Approach a girl (or wait for the one God has made for me.) I really can't understand the feeling I have, a complex pinching one indeed. I really can't understand why such a felling aroused in my heart but it has and I request a healing advice.

I can feel the agony in your question. First of all, it is very normal and natural at your age to have sexual feelings, and of course these feelings very naturally include a girl. You also talk of an emotional need of a confidante in your life, someone with whom you can be yourself and share your innermost thoughts. This need is also very normal as man is not only a physical being but also an emotional being. However, a life partner who fits the bill physically and emotionally, will not suddenly fall into your lap nor can you go shopping for one. What you need to do is to remain open and continue to be socially accessible i.e. besides remaining in contact with girls in your college or where you live, you could take up some short courses like public speaking, personality development, also music or computer classes, theatre workshops etc. The point is to increase your social circle so that the right person has an opportunity to enter your life. (If nothing else, you will gain in knowledge, skills, creative satisfaction and lots of new friends). Also ‘never judge a book by its cover’. That means your impression of girls seems to be based on appearances or some minimal interaction. Very often girls are also awkward at this age. It is possible that if you keep your judgement aside, and unbiasedly get to know them better, you may find your initial impression changing with some of them. So keep your attitude aside and mingle around ~ the girl of your dreams is sure to be out there somewhere.

Unique Purpose of your Life
My problem is that every time whenever there is any problem in the family, I get nervous and I my mind starts to think upon the eternity of this world. It reflect me that if there is no human being then what will happen of after the death of man where all those things gone. On this matter I get very much confused. Pl. give me some tips about this. I will be thankful to you.

You are saying that extreme stress externally (problems in the family), precipitates an inner crisis in the form of repetitive thoughts about life, death, after-death etc. I would strongly advise you to see a psychotherapist who can help you by teaching you life-coping skills so that you can handle external problems in an effective manner. Also while seeing a psychotherapist, it would be a good idea for you to learn some relaxation techniques either through Yoga or any other breathing techniques.

By the way, the reality of death puts life into perspective. It provokes us to live the best life possible today. Through psychotherapy and relaxation techniques, you will be able to find the true purpose of your life. You are a unique person with unique gifts and have the ability to make a unique contribution to society. Once you are able to discover and start fulfilling this unique purpose of your life, you will find harmony and peace with yourself.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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Sexual abuse of young girls is said to be very co
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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