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Heart To Heart

Monday, August 01, 2016

Testosterone and premature ejaculation
From my youth days, I have a problem of being over excited before sex. As a result, I either have shorter duration of intercourse or have premature ejaculation. I feel disgusted why can’t I have longer duration of intercourse? Is there any medicine that can be taken to bring testosterone level down (low) to control the sexual excitement that caused masturbation problem in my youth days and causing problem even now?

Masturbation does not cause premature ejaculation. What is happening with you is not a physical problem, but a learning disability. There are no medical or hormonal causes for premature ejaculation. It is essentially of a psycho-behavioral and relational origin. Testosterone or any other hormone has no effect on your ejaculatory control.

Ejaculating early is a learned reflex response that can be effectively re-conditioned when a man and a woman actively learn ejaculation control together.
You need to increase your awareness of the sensations of arousal building so that you can identify the level of your arousal. Secondly, awareness of sensations of arousal and ejaculatory control can be learned by following a step-by-step process. We teach the use of the ‘squeeze technique’ or the ‘stop-start technique’.

Besides techniques, certain ‘exercises for sphincter control’ and ‘use of condom’ may help in some cases.

Tightening of vagina
I am a 20 yrs old female. My question is that as I have had sex 4 times due to this act my vagina has become very loose, which makes it impossible for my partner to satisfy me and everytime I’m left unsatisfied. Is there any way or medicine in which I can tighten my vagina as it used to be? Please help; and secondly doctor I’ve got very hard (stone like) breasts, is there any way in which I can make them soft?

You can tighten your vagina (your ‘PC muscles’) with simple exercises called “Kegels exercise” that you can do at home, at work or anywhere else.
Many women find it helpful to experiment when they are urinating to learn what muscles to tense and contract. While urinating, try to stop the flow of urine for a few seconds, and then release those muscles and let the urine flow again. Try that several times. This will help you to understand which muscles you need to exercise. Once you know which muscles to tense and relax, now you can do those exercises several times in a day wherever you are at home or even at work. It is best not to do these exercises too frequently while urinating, as in the long term it may not be good for the health of your urinary bladder. However, the trick to know the muscles while urinating mentioned above is a safe and effective way of discovering which muscles to target.
Get your breasts examined by a gynecologist or a surgeon. It will also be worthwhile to get a “mammography” done to understand the cause of this stone-like hardness of your breasts.

Managing misplaced guilt
I love a girl from my childhood. One day she proposed me through a letter. I thought a lot of all the things and at last I accepted her proposal. We dated a lot and even had physical relationship. We didn’t loose our virginity. Later one day she told me that she didn’t love me seriously. She is just 18 and I' am 24; moreover she is my relative. She told few reasons for that.  She thought that she didn’t love me seriously, she is saying that she doesn't know why she does like that, and she wants to continue our relation as good friends. I felt very bad about that. But I slowly controlled my self. After some days she found me dull and sad, she felt very bad, and she came to me and asked me why you like that. At last she again told me that she loves me and she wants to marry me when we get settled.

One day I went to talk to her regarding this, and I asked her what her problem is. She told me that she wants to continue the affair just because of our physical relationship and she is unable to forget that we both have very good understanding between us. I told her “It is a foolishness to continue the affair. Our souls should be good not our body. We haven’t lost anything; we just came close because of sexual emotions. If our love is not true its useless to continue the affair”. I told her let us be good friends forever. You marry a person whom you really love or whom your parents like.

I’m sure I can be a good friend for her. And she too can be a good friend for me. And she agreed for that. I have doubt that she may come again to me and may ask me to marry… then I think I can't reject her. I liked her sincerity and goodness that she told me facts. She is very good but she may be little bit immature. Tell me what I did is right or wrong and suggest me if I am wrong.

You are absolutely right when you say that the relationship should be based on genuine love and care and not out of misplaced guilt feelings. A relationship can only work out in the long term if you are in it for the right reasons, and so both of you need to re-assess your feelings for each other. Do not enter into a commitment only out of a sense of obligation, duty, guilt or pity.  As for her, she needs to see a counselor, to understand her motivations correctly and to clarify to herself why she is so fickle in such an important area of her life. If she is unable to emotionally connect with you (for the right reasons) in a satisfactory manner for both, then it is better to make a clean break now, or else you-all will end up unhappy and dissatisfied with each other. Also to clarify your feelings it would be good not to meet and communicate with each other for a period of a few months. This will help both of you to put your feelings about each other in perspective.

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From my youth days, I have a problem of being ove
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Select Sun sign:
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)You may find it difficult to meet your target at work inviting censure of a senior. Rather than giving weak explanations it is better to admit that you had taken the issues for granted and that you will now expedite the matter and conclude to everyone’s satisfaction. Those in love will find their beloved drifting away, maybe that could be one of the distractions making you neglect work. It is better to concentrate of work and handle personal issues later.
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