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Heart To Heart

Monday, July 18, 2016

Career or family
I am 25 year old and working in Govt sector. Before joining this job I was preparing for civil services exams, but my parents forced me to join this job, which is too inferior to civil service. I tried to make understand them but all gone in vain. Since, I am feeling changes in my behavior. I get angry very soon and feeling alone in the world. Sometimes, a normal conversation irritates me. I can't concentrate in my studies, which is creating depression. Now, gals and sex attracted me a lot. Please tell me is it the symptoms of any disease.
You are 25 years old and have a moral and legal right to your own decisions. Of course this also means that you accept and are responsible for all the repercussions that emerge from your decision ~ whether the repercussions come in the form of displeasure of family, doing without the income your present job brings etc.

What you are describing about yourself is an emotional disturbance arising out of an inner conflict. On one hand you want to follow your dream of being in the civil service by whole-heartedly preparing for the exams, but this is not backed by your family. On the other hand, you please your family by taking this job against your wishes, and you are unable to focus on your studies which will ultimately lead you to fulfill your dream. This is a decision which only you can and should make.

First, realistically assess your interest and aptitude. Then ask yourself where you will find true fulfillment. Finally follow your heart with determination. If you do this then your depressive feelings should soon pass.

If you still find yourself feeling low and unable to focus on your studies, there maybe other aspects to your problem. See a counsellor for a few sessions to get to the bottom of the matter. By the way, your attraction for the opposite sex is perfectly normal for your age. Do not relate it to your problem.

Accidental exposure to sex
How to handle the situation when your child barges into your bedroom when you are having intercourse?

To prevent something like this from happening, I recommend you to lock your bedroom door every time you are going to engage in any type of love play. But if such a situation occurs, it would be most appropriate first to ask the child to leave the room gently yet firmly. Then, when you get yourselves decent and presentable, you could go out and have a talk with the child. You could explain that what the two of you were doing was loving each other sexually - a time of pleasure for a loving married couple. But it is private, so it made you uncomfortable. Allow the child to talk about his/her feelings and ask any questions he/she might have. If this type of accidental exposure is handled with care and openness, damage is not likely to result.

If a man is unable to pull the skin on his penis to expose his glans penis, how does it affect his sexual performance?

The head of the penis (glans penis) is the part of the penis that is most sensitive to sexual stimulation and has the most nerve endings (neuro-receptors). A man enjoys sexual stimulation better, if his glans penis is uncovered by the foreskin during the sexual act. Ideally the foreskin needs to get retracted on erect penis, enough to expose the whole of glans-penis. This may either happen on its own on full erection or one may have to do it manually before penetration. Both ways it is normal and fine. If the retraction of foreskin is not possible or painful, then it is a medical condition known as “Phimosis”. This condition requires a surgery known as "Circumcision". However this can be decided only after examining the patient. There is always a fear of person developing paraphimosis (a painful surgical condition) during intercourse if foreskin is getting retracted incompletely.

Feeling like an amateur
My 22-year-old girlfriend has more experience than me (Age 23) and I want to turn her on but I have only done it once and I feel like an amateur and like I get nervous when things get hot. Any suggestions?

If you are talking about casual sex, then the heart is not involved, with the result that there is a need to impress and score points because of a fear that you are being evaluated against others. If your girlfriend is also with you for a casual fling then she could very possibly be ‘rating’ your performance. However, if both of you are deeply emotionally involved with each other and are committed to each other, then there is no cause for fear. Sex is beautiful only if it is the culmination of a heart connection and even so, it is just one of the many ways to share intimacy with each other. So, if your girlfriend truly cares for you she will love and accept you for who you are and not for the type of sexual feats you can perform. Relax and do not be in a hurry to consummate this relationship. Know each other better and let nothing less than true love turn both of you on.

Love life with baby around
We have a baby who will be two years next month. We make love when baby is asleep in the same room. Sometimes we keep the baby in another room. We need advise as how long we can make love with him in our room when he is asleep. We want to be careful as we plan to shift him into his room when he is around 4 till then he will be sleeping with us

It is important for both of you to be relaxed when you share intimacy with each other, and privacy is needed for such relaxation. As long as you are sure that your baby is fast asleep or in the other room you can be relaxed. It is quite okay till he/she is four as children of that age are not aware of sexual intimacy. So do not worry.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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