Mature Adult Relationship
am male, 41, married, wife aged 35. We are married since 15 years. Our relationship is very good. We have sex every week with condom. She loves me and is dedicated to me. Recently, I am feeling the need for another woman. Is it natural at this age? Then, can I approach some woman say in age group of 21 to 35 for such mature adult relationship? In this context I would like to know woman psychology. For such a proposal, an urban woman will give a positive response? or, is it risky to ask such a question? Can I ask? Please advise.
After 15 years of a “very good” relationship you are expected to grow and mature together and explore deeper levels of love with each other. So, no. It is not natural for a mature individual at this age to scout around for ‘variety entertainment’. And those who do, are those who have chosen to live a life confined to auto-sexuality, self-pleasuring and biology. But a human being is not just confined to his biology. He has been gifted with “discrimination” and an innate capacity to grow in “love”, something that animals do not possess. You have said that your wife loves you and is dedicated to you. Nowhere have you mentioned that you love her and are dedicated to her. And that is the root of your problem.
When sex is an expression of love it is beautiful, if not, it is animal-like.
No self respecting urban woman would respond to your advances, and those who do are the auto-sexual ones for whom you are neither the first nor the last.
Your desire for other women is simply a ‘symptom’ of deeper issues. You seem to be dissatisfied with life at the age of 41. See a counsellor who will help you reach to the root of your problem.
Testosterone and Premature Ejaculation
From my youth days, I have a problem of being over-excited before sex. As a result, I either have shorter duration of intercourse or have premature ejaculation. I feel disgusted why can’t I have longer duration of intercourse? Is there any medicine that can be taken to bring testosterone level down (low) to control the sexual excitement that caused masturbation problem in my youth days and causing problem even now?
Masturbation does not cause premature ejaculation. What is happening with you is not a physical problem, but a learning disability. There are no medical or hormonal causes for premature ejaculation. It is essentially of a psycho-behavioral and relational origin. Testosterone or any other hormone has no effect on your ejaculatory control.
Ejaculating early is a learned reflex response that can be effectively re-conditioned when a man and a woman actively learn ejaculation control together.
You need to increase your awareness of the sensations of arousal building so that you can identify the level of your arousal. Secondly, awareness of sensations of arousal and ejaculatory control can be learned by following a step-by-step process. We teach the use of the ‘squeeze technique’ or the ‘stop-start technique’.
Besides techniques, certain ‘exercises for sphincter control’ and ‘use of condom’ may help in some cases.
Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,
10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 / 22184528 / 9821093902