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Heart 2 Heart

Friday, January 20, 2012

Look before you leap
I am 19 yrs old. I was in love with a girl when I was 17. She broke up with me after 1 year. Now she is involved with other boy. He has had sex with her, have taken snaps of her in those poses and now blackmailing her for having money & sex with his friend. She is asking my help in this matter. If I intervene they could let her go. I could not forget her behaviour at the time she had dumped me. What should I do?

Your ex-girlfriend has got herself into quite a mess and is counting on your chivalry to get her out of it. If it is ‘only’ a matter of your putting in a word to help her out of this mess, then you could be a good Samaritan and do that, but if it requires getting ‘emotionally’ involved with the girl and ‘excessively’ involved in the issue, then you should think twice, as this could be emotionally distressing for you, and you can very well do without that kind of psychological upheaval.

Sexual dilemma
I am a 28-yr-old guy and was married 4 yrs back. I married a girl richer than me since my parents forced me to. She is not very good looking. After three years of our marriage I came to know that she is having relationship with many others besides me, before and even after my marriage and she is continuing the same.

I tried talking to her several times, but she doesn’t give any firm commitment. I have a 2-yr-old son and hence I don’t want to divorce her. I wish to avoid having sex with her as she continues to flirt. How can I avoid sex with her? We are staying in a joint family and hence we have to sleep in the same room. Nobody in our family is aware of this. Kindly help.

You are physically indulging with a woman with whom you are emotionally repulsed. This situation, if it continues, will lead to a an inner crisis in you, which can then be disastrous, as it will either end in external aggression (violence) or internal aggression (depression). Your self-worth and self-esteem are at stake out here. You need to:

  • see a marriage counsellor with your wife as soon as possible
  • be assertive and ask her to make a choice between you and her sexual exploits
  • reflect on the fact that it would  be better for your son to stay with one parent who is at peace with himself/herself instead of two parents who have no emotional connection at all.
  • Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27. Tel: 22184528 / 9821093902. Email: [email protected] www.hearttoheartindia.net
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Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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