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Heart 2 Heart

Friday, November 04, 2011
Dr. Rajan bhonsle

Managing misplaced guilt
I love a girl from my childhood. One day she proposed me through a letter. I thought a lot of all the things and at last I accepted her proposal. We dated a lot and even had physical relationship. We didn’t loose our virginity. Later one day she told me that she didn’t love me seriously. She is just 18 and I am 24; moreover she is my relative. She told few reasons for that. She thought that she didn’t love me seriously, she is saying that she doesn’t know why she does like that, and she wants to continue our relation as good friends. I felt very bad about that. But I slowly controlled myself. After some days she found me dull and sad, she felt very bad, and she came to me and asked me why you like that. At last she again told me that she loves me and she wants to marry me when we get settled.
One day I went to talk to her regarding this, and I asked her what her problem is. She told me that she wants to continue the affair just because of our physical relationship and she is unable to forget that we both have very good understanding between us. I told her, “It is a foolishness to continue the affair. Our souls should be good not our body. We haven’t lost anything; we just came close because of sexual emotions. If our love is not true its useless to continue the affair”. I told her let us be good friends forever. You marry a person whom you really love or whom your parents like. I’m sure I can be a good friend for her. And she too can be a good friend for me. And she agreed for that. I have doubt that she may come again to me and may ask me to marry… then I think I can’t reject her. I liked her sincerity and goodness that she told me facts. She is very good but she may be little bit immature. Tell me what I did is right or wrong and suggest me if I am wrong.
 
You are absolutely right when you say that the relationship should be based on genuine love and care and not out of misplaced guilt feelings. A relationship can only work out in the long term if you are in it for the right reasons, and so both of you need to re-assess  our feelings for each other. Do not enter into a commitment only out of a sense of obligation, duty, guilt or pity. As for her, she needs to see a counselor, to understand her motivations correctly and to clarify to herself why she is so fickle in such an important area of her life. If she is unable to emotionally connect with you (for the right reasons) in a satisfactory manner for both, then it is better to make a clean break now, or else you-all will end up unhappy and dissatisfied with each other. Also to clarify your feelings it would be good not to meet and communicate with each other for a period of a few months. This will help both of you to put your feelings about each other in perspective.

Hesitation towards sex

I am 27-year-old businessman. I am married for eight months. My wife is 23 years  old. When I make love to my wife she has hesitation in expressing her feelings during the act. She also refuses for foreplay. Kindly help me to overcome this problem.
Your wife’s hesitation could come from her conditioning, upbringing, notions about sex, religious ideas or sheer stubbornness. In spite of all these factors, it is the love and understanding between the husband and wife that moulds her attitude towards sex. If sex is merely an exercise for physical gratification, then it loses its importance for the person who is basically heart-oriented. Don’t make sex a mechanical activity. Remember, her requirements are more heart-oriented. Women feel aroused only when they love the man. A husband-wife relationship should have a strong foundation of love, understanding and caring about each other. Once this is achieved, sex will follow naturally as an expression of your love for each other.

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Managing misplaced guilt
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
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Astrology
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)There is a tendency to be more sensitive than usual. Keep cool. A reaction is just what you should avoid in the interest of everyone. It would be better if you could maintain cordial relationships with colleagues and friends. Your mate or beloved may also not be in a good mood this evening.
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)What the cards say: There is new energy. You will benefit Path: Use the energy constructively and cautiously. Don’t rush headlong into disaster Ally: Virgo will calm you down. Avoid Gemini who could confuse you Card for the week: Tarot key no. I The Magician. He gives you the wherewithal to forge ahead. You will achieve and win accolades
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