26 Years
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Heart 2 Heart

Friday, September 23, 2011

Emotional vacuum
I am a married man of 45. Me and my spouse are in the same field of media. We talk shop all 24 hrs as both are freelancers. We have a 10-yr-old son. No matter what I do, she is not happy. She finds me uninteresting and boring. Of course, she says I am very caring, protective and warm as a husband. But then, that dissatisfying element is there. I feel that I am missing that warmth in a woman, her caressing hands and that motherly attention. So I am searching for a relationship outside marriage, that is discreet and non-disturbing to the present married life.. am I right in doing this or is there a solution? She doesn’t much interact with my parents as the language problem exists as I am an Andhraite, she is a Punjabi... she is career oriented and a workaholic...What do I do? I am man and have my desires and urges too...!

The three elements of a fulfilling marriage are Care, Commitment and Communication. Caring for the genuine and reasonable needs of the other by both the partners and making active efforts for the fulfillment of those needs is indeed very important. Committing to solve any problems arising out of these unfulfilled needs within the marriage itself, and not seeking to go outside the marriage to fulfill these needs is the second important element. And finally the use of the master key of Communication to express those valid and reasonable needs to your partner clearly and maturely with the sole intention of working through the problem together to find a mutually fulfilling solution.

Remember your partner is not a mind reader, so you must very clearly express your genuine needs. Communication between partners very often degenerates into a game of one upmanship, blaming and attacking the self worth of the other. Care must be taken by both, to refrain from attacking the other through verbal punches, and both should genuinely strive for a win-win scenario through healthy communication.

If both of you are unable to establish healthy communication with each other, then intervention by a good counsellor could help you establish the same by systematically training both of you in the art of genuine listening and constructive responding. There is no problem that cannot be solved if both partners, care for the other, are committed to solving it within the marriage and correctly communicate the same to each other.

Oral sex
I am 21 and my girlfriend is 18. I wish to know whether oral sex can make her pregnant?

Oral sex can NEVER get a girl pregnant. It is only when semen enters the vagina that pregnancy/conception can occur. However, it is necessary to note that ‘oral sex’ can transmit Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) including HIV/AIDS. These infections may or may not have manifested in an infected individual and thus they can be contracted unknowingly, unintentionally through oral sex from absolutely externally healthy looking partners.

 Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,

10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 / 22184528 / 9821093902 
Email: [email protected]

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Responsibility of relationship
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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