26 Years
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Heart 2 Heart

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Seek true fulfilment
I am a 49-year-old married man and a Chartered Accountant with two kids. I met a girl who’s 26 years old and she’s also a CA by profession. I like her and in the few meetings we’ve had, it seems she also likes me. But, the problem is that at my age should I propose to her about my feelings. I have invited her for outings and she has responded favourably. But, I am hesitant in telling her about my fascination for her. Please tell me what to do.
You have not mentioned the status of your relationship with your wife, so I presume that all is well at home. Have you thought about the repercussions if you decide to continue with this young girl?  How far do you want to go? What do you expect from her? What does she expect from you? How will your wife and children feel? Are you willing to sacrifice harmony in the family for her if it comes to that? You are 49 and she is 26, so, she could very well be your daughter’s age. What kind of future can this relationship have? Your age is indicative of a mid-life crisis. Very often at this age a feeling of discontentment emerges with an urgency to live life differently. At this point you can either turn towards more short term pleasures or seek true fulfilment and contentment. This is an opportunity to grow spiritually and turn within. It is also a time to give back to the community what you have received from it. Get into some activity which gives you a sense of fulfilment and self-worth. Resolve any problems you might have within the family. Life is too short. Reflect on how you want to spend the rest of it.

Take things slowly
I am going to be married soon, but when I was courting my fiancée I found that she was not getting aroused. In spite of my best efforts, I was not able to arouse even by touching her. Is it normal?

It seems that you are entering into an arranged marriage. If this is so, then what you are facing is a common problem. You are probably going too fast too soon. The sexuality of a woman is predominantly heart-centred. She needs to feel emotionally close to you for her to get aroused. I would advise you to go slowly with your caressing as she may be feeling shy and awkward. Instead, you could win her heart by romancing her. Not being hasty physically, but instead understanding her hesitation, will make her feel emotionally close to you. And when this happens, she will be more than willing to be intimate with you.
If after implementing my advice you still feel that things are not warming up between both of you, then a counselling session with a good sex counsellor would be in order. This would take care of any myths or misconceptions that she maybe carrying about physical intimacy, and also give her an opportunity to come up with her queries, if any.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,

10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 / 22184528 / 9821093902 
Email: [email protected]

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Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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