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Heart 2 Heart

Friday, August 12, 2011
By Dr. Rajan Bhosale

First diagnose the problem
I am a 39-year-old man. I have problems getting erections and always have soft erections. How can I overcome this problem?

Your condition is medically termed as erectile dysfunction. The treatment for which depends on the cause of your erectile dysfunction. There are many organic (physical) as well as psychogenic causes for this problem. If it is due to psychogenic or situational causes, the treatment will be ‘sex counselling’ and ‘supportive therapy’. If the cause is organic or constitutional, then appropriate medical or surgical measures will have to be undertaken. It is necessary to find out the cause (diagnosis) of this problem first, through history taking, examinations and investigations. Once the cause is found, only then can the treatment be advised.

Pre-marital sex education
I am a post graduate in management and working for a large company at Hyderabad. I am married only for 4 months. It was an arranged marriage. My wife, 24 years is an engineer working at Chennai. From the day of our engagement we used to interact every day over phone. She used to call me frequently. Things have changed within three days of the marriage. We did not have intercourse as her vagina was very small and I could not penetrate. She used to cry in pain when I try to insert. Within a week i took her to Hyderabad. We did not have sex as she was not interested. She went to Chennai after a week. She had earlier applied for her transfer to Hyd. She started behaving oddly after that. Then we decided to take the issue to a psychotherapist and relationship counsellor and he wanted us to take her (my wife) to him. She refused to meet him saying that she did not suffer from any mental disorder and there is no reason for her to meet the doctor. What could be the reason for her behaviour?

Your problem is simple yet complex. I wish both of you had visited a good pre-marital counselling centre for a sex education session before marrying. You have made some basic mistakes that could have been avoided.

It is true that she does not require a psychotherapist at this stage but BOTH OF YOU definitely need guidance from a sex therapist. The difference between male sexuality and female sexuality is necessary to be understood by both of you. What she perceives as a lack of love from your side could have arisen from your insufficient knowledge of the female needs, both emotional and physical. I hope it is not too late. If you suggest that you have been advised that BOTH OF YOU need guidance together and not only her, and also that you are willing to take responsibility for your contribution (insufficient knowledge of female needs), she could be willing to reconsider working things through.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,

10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 / 22184528 / 9821093902 
Email: [email protected]

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Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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