26 Years
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Heart 2 Heart

Monday, June 27, 2011

Never judge a book by its cover
I am an engineering student and will be going for higher studies to the US two years later. I wish to have good friend in my life (I don’t know why my heart says-it should be a girl, maybe I am getting a bit sexual or because I’m influenced by my friends, those who have girlfriends, I really don’t know), somebody who will share my feelings. It is not that I am in a great state of depression; it’s just what I feel about these days. Now, the problem is I don’t like girls, at least I can’t tolerate the stupid girls here at my place at least. I just can’t talk to them and their presence makes me feel awkward. What should I do now? Approach a girl (or wait for the one God has made for me). I really can’t understand the feeling I have, a complex one indeed. I really can’t understand why I have such a feeling, but I request for some healing advice.

I can feel the agony in your question. First of all, it is very normal and natural at your age to have sexual feelings, and of course these feelings very naturally include a girl. You also talk of an emotional need of a confidante in your life, someone with whom you can be yourself and share your innermost thoughts. This need is also very normal as man is not only a physical being but also an emotional being. However, a life partner who fits the bill physically and emotionally, will not suddenly fall into your lap nor can you go shopping for one. What you need to do is to remain open and continue to be socially accessible i.e. besides remaining in contact with girls in your college or where you live, you could take up some short courses like public speaking, personality development, also music or computer classes, theatre workshops etc. The point is to increase your social circle so that the right person has an opportunity to enter your life. (If nothing else, you will gain in knowledge, skills, creative satisfaction and lots of new friends). Also ‘never judge a book by its cover’. That means your impression of girls seems to be based on appearances or some minimal interaction. Very often girls are also awkward at this age. It is possible that if you keep your judgment aside, and get to know them better in an unbiased way, you may find your initial impression changing with some of them. So keep your attitude aside and mingle around — the girl of your dreams is sure to be out there somewhere.

Sex drive at thirty
I read in a magazine that statistically it is found that a woman’s sex drive is at its peak when she reaches 30. I can vouch for the fact that at 33 I think about sex more often and more intensely than I have ever in my entire lifetime. Is my sex drive about to go on a decline from now on?

The sex drive statistics come from Dr. Alfred Kinsey, the famous sexuality researcher who learned that women had more sexual outlets and more orgasms in their thirties than at any other time in their lives. This may be due to many reasons, including the fact that women in their thirties become more at ease and comfortable with their bodies and with their body responses. Their orgasms become more reliable. They often have more confidence, and are more comfortable with their sexuality. They have a good sense of their needs, and are willing to communicate their needs to their partner more clearly and completely. Since they are familiar with their body responses, they can describe what exactly they desire to their partner more openly and comfortably.

Each sexual being is unique and the period during which the sexual drive increases, peaks and decreases, varies. No one but you knows better about your body and its needs.

Enjoy your sexual energy and your wonderful thirties. Contrary to what others may think, it is not all downhill from here. As we grow older, what we may lose in frequency, we gain in quality.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,

10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 / 22184528 / 9821093902 

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