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Heart 2 Heart

Friday, June 24, 2011

One Night Stand With A Stranger
I am a 25-year-old man working in a call centre in the night shift. Six months back I got friendly with a girl who had just joined us then. We became great friends and at an office party got physically intimate after a few drinks. However we decided to keep it at that and she quit. A month back she called me saying that she’s pregnant with my child and is demanding we get married. Needless to say I was shocked and told her to reconsider her decision to have a child. Now she is adamant on meeting my parents and insisting our families meet. I’m at my wits end because I don’t think I can marry a woman I barely know.

You are learning an important lesson of your life with this experience, and that is, that ‘alcohol lowers your inhibitions, makes you act irresponsibly, and the price that you pay for such irresponsible conduct could be disastrous’. It is not only ‘drunken driving’ that can cost you your life (physical), but it is also ‘drunken partying’ that can cost you not only your life (psychological), but as you can see, it can also spell doom for all your dreams and aspirations.

It is obvious, that marriage is absolutely not an option, after a one night stand with a stranger, who emotionally blackmails you into a commitment. However, you will need to call her bluff, by confessing your drunken blunder to your parents, and ask them to support you in taking a firm stance that marriage is definitely not the way to go. You will need to obviously make your apologies, and eat ‘humble pie’ with your parents. You have both engaged in consensual, casual and unprotected sex with a stranger, which is irresponsible and immature behavior on the part of both, and such immaturity shows that you are both not ready for a mature commitment.

You have also learnt that ‘casual sex’ is not so ‘casual’ after all. Besides the supposed pregnancy, you have also put yourself at risk for contracting sexually transmitted diseases. If this sounds like a sermon, so be it, because this is one sermon you need to hear. Finally, I can only hope that this experience has left
you wiser.

Alcohol and Sexual Inhibition
I am a 34-year-old married woman. I find that I lose much of my sexual inhibition whenever I am under the influence of alcohol. Is this normal?

A few medical studies have been conducted on this subject and the results are rather puzzling. The largest study conducted on non-alcoholic women concluded that “female initiated sexual activity occurred twice as often without alcohol versus with alcohol”. This appears to be the opposite of what one would expect.

Another study found that “the higher the blood-alcohol-level the greater the depressant effect on the orgasmic response, with longer time required to attain orgasm and reduced intensity of the sexual feeling”. The same study also revealed that with alcohol there was greater arousal and pleasure accompanied with orgasm.

Very evidently, this is quite contradictory. Common sense suggests that most of our inhibitions get lessened with alcohol, so why should your sexual inhibitions be any different!

In my opinion, much would also depend on the quality and the quantity of alcoholic drink consumed. A small quantity may help one to relax and lose the inhibitions and larger quantities might have a depressant effect on the sexual responses.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,
10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 / 22184528 / 9821093902 

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Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
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Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)Devote more time and effort to your present task that appears to be slowing down. Plan work schedules well in advance to save delays later. Working late along with heavy responsibilities at home could affect your health. Some of you could suffer from stress. A relaxing time with family will ease your problems away.
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