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Heart 2 Heart

Friday, April 08, 2011

Duration of intercourse
I am a 27-year-old man. I will be getting married soon. My friends have been giving all mixed information to me. I want to know, for an average male, how long should sexual intercourse last to satisfy the female partner?

It is a matter of mutual “satisfaction”. Only you and your partner can determine this. Knowing about others and trying to find out about the “average”, will only give you an ‘unnecessary’ complex. Moreover, often, men tend to exaggerate their claims of going on for a long time, thus leading to complexes in others. This complex will be detrimental to your sexual performance and to your relationship. Therefore, relax and enjoy your very own ‘normal’ duration with your partner.

Sudden withdrawal
I’m 32 and was averse to relationships and marriage until I fell in love for the first time one and a half years ago. Both the families happily agreed and we’ve been going around normally. Suddenly, my man seems to have stopped all contact with me for over one month. This has brought tremendous tensions in both families. But despite all my attempts to contact him by mail or phone, he’s not responding. His parents speak to me regularly but I’m in deep agony and cannot accept that there’s suddenly no love left between us. Please advise and help as soon as possible.
Since we do not know much about this man in your life, we can only hazard a guess as to why he is behaving in this way. He is either in another more fulfilling relationship, or is facing a crisis of some kind (internal or external), or has a fear of intimacy or fear of commitment, or then has been repulsed by some behaviour on your part which you are unaware of and which he has left unexpressed. In either case, you deserve to know the reason, so that both of you can either work to resolve it or then gracefully part ways. He seems to be either scared of facing you for fear of your reaction or then he just does not know how to go about it. It is important that you somehow get a message through to him which clearly states that you need to know the reason for his withdrawal and that he owes an explanation to you. Also state that you are ready for the relationship to go either way, because you would anyway never be fulfilled if it was one-sided. Let him know that he need not fear an over-reaction on your part, and that if he so wanted you would be more than willing to work through any problem with him or then mutually agree to part ways. This message would serve to relax him if he is avoiding communication only out of fear and anxiety. If he does not respond to this message, then get a hold of yourself and move on. You deserve better!

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,
10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 / 22184528 / 9821093902 

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Duration of intercourse
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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