Guarding virginity before marriage
My girlfriend has a lot of control over herself in sex matters. We both love each other like mad lovers and the only reason she does not indulge in sex is because she fears that if we do not marry due to some reason then it will be hard to get separated. I don’t say that she is wrong but then too one can understand my feelings, since I love her. I have waited for two years and haven’t even kissed her. Please tell me how can I break her control? What does a girl expect from her boyfriend during sex?
Your girlfriend is saving her virginity for marriage (or at least a commitment of marriage) and that is her prerogative. Obviously, there seems to be no commitment as yet, which is why she is refraining from intimacy. I am sure it must be as hard for her as it is for you, if in your words, you ‘love each other like mad lovers’. She is right when she says that it will be emotionally distressing if there is intimacy and if both of you do not end up together. Though I understand your need for intimacy, you need to respect her wishes. A commitment seems to be very important to her; therefore, it would be wise to explore the possibility of taking your relationship further towards making it a committed one.
Preoccupation with the past
After I started a serious relationship with my fiancé I found out that he had sex before with another girl, even though it was just once but the idea troubles me very much. We love each other truly. Though he has told me about this before, our relationship got so deep, we got engaged a year ago. But I still find it really hard to accept the fact that he had been with another girl. I sometimes bring this subject up but then I retract as I do not wish to see him hurt. But again, sometimes I become very rude and threaten to leave him because I feel he might get involved with another girl. What should I do? Please help me.
You are quite aware that your preoccupation with his past is contaminating your relationship with him. This obsession that you have has roots in your own feelings of low self worth and insecurity. You seem to have a fear of abandonment too. You will need to explore the origins of these feelings (which could very well have roots in your childhood with parents) with a good psychotherapist who will help you understand yourself and transcend the feelings. Seek out a psychotherapist urgently before you lose a perfectly good relationship because of your obsessive fears.