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Heart 2 Heart

Monday, January 17, 2011

Safe Frequency of Sex

We are married since eight months. My husband has some different nature. He wants to have sex daily 3 or 4 times. Is it safe to have sex that often?
As far as safety is concerned, that is not a problem. But are you comfortable with it physically and emotionally? That is the issue. Sex should be a mutually pleasurable activity and a sharing of intimacy. If it is not so for you then you need to have a frank talk with him about how you feel about it, or then both of you could see a sex counselor. If he cares for you, both of you will be able to negotiate and come up with a win-win situation, where both of you are appropriately satisfied.

Get Real

I am 20-yr-old college student. I am sexually attracted towards a 41-year-old single woman staying in our society. Very often I masturbate fantasizing about having sex with her. I am strongly feeling like proposing real sexual relationship with her. Should I propose actual physical intimacy to her?
She is 41 and you are 20. The biologically maturing man in you is feeling attracted to a biologically full-blown woman. That is a natural occurrence. But a human being is not just confined to his biology. He has been gifted with “discrimination”, something that animals do not possess. Use this power to discriminate and discern, and you will see for yourself that nurturing thoughts about this woman can only leave you psychologically de-stabilized with immense psychological scars.

There are three levels of functioning in a person -- the level of ‘experience’, the level of ‘awareness of the experience’ and the level of ‘decision’. If you are experiencing attraction and are aware of what you are experiencing, it is OK till that point. But when you nurse and nurture this attraction in your fantasies, and also want to translate your fantasies into reality, I must say that you are walking on a “self-destructive path”.

Get out of this situation immediately. Do not nurse or nurture, but in fact ‘actively’ discourage thoughts of this woman. What you need to do is to get going in the real world and mingle with those in your age group. There are a lot of attractive young women of your age out there, if only you will come out of your internal world. Make an active effort to be available to newer ‘real’ relationships. Also focus your energies on career-building and other creative pursuits. You have a long way to go, so work towards creating a real, fulfilling and meaningful life for yourself.

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Safe Frequency of Sex
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Select Sun sign:
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)A minor clash of opinions at work might make you feel insecure about relationships in general. You will be spending the evening with the family. Try not to be overly sensitive with loved ones but look on the positive side of all that you have. Perhaps you are taking a lot for granted.
Tarot for Love
Select Sun sign:
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)What the cards say: You could be very possessive this week Path: Ensure that you give as much as you get. Don’t react or resist. But gently move ahead Ally: Pisces who show you patience. Avoid high energy Leo Card for the week: Tarot key XII The Hanged Man indicates the need to let go and surrender
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