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Heart 2 Heart

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Responsibility of the consequences
Since 2008 I came to know her and started meeting her. As we got closer she offered to go to a  resort for the weekend leading to our physical relationship. At that time she was just 18 years (though we already knew that we cannot marry in future as we come from different religions). After few meetings once or twice we had unsafe sex which led to her getting pregnant. We both got scared and tried some medicines. This was in vain, as pregnancy could not be terminated. Then we decided to go for medical abortion. After that I started avoiding her. In the meantime, she had already started expecting me to marry her as it becomes my moral responsibility. But keeping in view the social structure I already informed her that this is impossible. She started compelling to meet me here and there which I did for some time. Please advice keeping in view that we cannot marry in any case, what are the other problems and how to act in future especially for her. She has told me if she marries somebody else she can be interrogated by him and if not then at the time of next pregnancy the doctors may recognise that she was pregnant earlier.

With sexual freedom comes the responsibility of the consequences of that freedom, and  hope both of you have learnt this, albeit the hard way. You say that it was very clear to both of you from the beginning that the marriage is not going to take place and you are not making any change in this stance (I will not counsel you on this issue as that is not your question. However, I would have been interested to know why in this day and age, your different backgrounds are considered a problem). Since both of you jointly and willingly engaged in unprotected sex, the responsibility to handle the problem is also joint.

I would have liked to know whether your sexual partner/girlfriend expects you to marry her only because of the fear of being found out in future, or because she is deeply emotionally involved with you. Was her participation willing ‘casual’ sex which she is now wanting to turn into marriage for convenience, or was it the involvement ‘of the heart’. My advice will vary accordingly. She should put her true feelings in words either to me at this site so that I can counsel her, or then she should see a counsellor to have a sense of direction. I also advise that she should see a gynaecologist to clarify whether her fear of the first pregnancy being detected is valid or not. She may either be pleasantly surprised to know that after a period of time the uterus reverts back to its pre-pregnancy state, or then her fear will be confirmed. Therefore, it is better if she takes the opinion of a gynaecologist on this issue.

What is pre-cum?
What exactly is pre-cum. If man’s pre-cum enters woman’s vagina, can she become pregnant with it? Does pre-cum contain sperm? Kindly clarify.

The pre-cum better known as ‘Pre-ejaculatory fluid’ comes from the “bulbo-urethral glands” located at the base of the penis shaft. It serves the purpose of lubrication during intercourse. Generally, this fluid is not expected to have sperms. However, very often sperms are found to be present accidentally in the pre-cum, which can result in pregnancy.

  • Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,
    10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
    Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 /
    22184528 / 9821093902 
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Responsibility of the consequences
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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