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Heart 2 Heart

Monday, December 06, 2010

I cannot share these feelings
I am doing my MBA. I started liking one girl from my institute. We both exchanged smiles and even went for a walk every Friday night. The way she conducted herself made me feel she liked me. Slowly we became very good friends. I started giving her small signals that I am interested. I don't know whether she got my signals or not. But all of a sudden after her exams, she started to move around with another guy. Slowly their frequency of meeting increased. Few days ago I saw that girl going to that guy’s room at night. I went on the terrace and tried to snatch a view through the window. I was shocked...they were kissing each other.
Now I am heart broken...because I was expecting her to be mine. Now I cannot see her with that guy...I get extremely disappointed and jealous. I am trying to forget her.... but in vain. Even today when she appears before me.... she smiles the same way and even I have to respond...which I don't want to do. I want to convey what she has done to my feelings.

One more thing.... it’s not that I have lost her completely...even today we both go for a walk alone and share our thoughts. But I wanted to have good sexual relations with her, which I cannot have now. Please tell me what should I do. I am heart broken. I even cannot share this feeling with any of my friends. Do tell me how should I conduct myself with her.

You say that nothing was ever clearly spoken by either one of you about where your relationship with her was going. It is possible that she waited for you to speak up about your feelings, and when she saw that no clear and active attempt was being made from your side, she was open to other possibilities. On the other hand, it is also possible that she has always just seen you as a ‘good friend’ and herself did not want more from you.

In either case I believe you need an ‘emotional closure’ with her. You could talk to her about your feelings towards her on one of your walks. She will either respond positively or then clarify that she sees you as only as a friend. Either way, this act will clearly show you where you stand in this relationship, and then you can get on with your life.

It is however important that you emotionally prepare yourself for either answer. Ask yourself is life really so terrible if she is not in it? On a scale of 0 to 100 of badness, how bad is living a life without her? Is it as bad as say, not having her plus losing your limbs in an accident plus losing your home in an earthquake? If you are honest with yourself, you will realize that though it will definitely be painful to adjust to a new ‘normal’ in your life without her, it is not the ‘end of your world’. Moreover, she has the freedom to choose how she wants to live her life.

As far as coping with your life is concerned, take active effort to mingle socially. Remember that there is a meaningful and fulfilling life without her waiting for you out there, if only you will allow yourself to be open to it.

Sex during Pregnancy
My wife (age 22) is pregnant for the first time. She is in her fourth month of pregnancy. I wish to know, can we have sexual intercourse while she is pregnant? If yes, is there any special precaution that I need to take? Please explain.

Intercourse during the initial six to twelve weeks of pregnancy as well as during the last eight weeks of pregnancy is not advisable. During the fourth to seventh month of pregnancy, intercourse is allowed unless you are otherwise advised for medical reasons. Avoid the missionary (man-superior) position during pregnancy. You may try ‘woman superior position’ or ‘spoon position’ so that your wife is comfortable.

 Heart To Heart Counselling Centre,
10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 23778624 / 22184528 / 9821093902 
EMail:
www.hearttoheartindia.net
 

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I cannot share these feelings
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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