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Heart To Heart

Tuesday, April 02, 2019

Will god forgive me?
I am a 25 years boy. I did sex with my cousin aunt. She is of my age but married. Now I am realizing my mistake and feeling very guilty. Will god forgive me?

If you have realized the error in your ways and do not make the same mistake again, then you need to forgive yourself just as God forgives you. However, I would strongly advise that you have a session or two with a counsellor in order to have a complete psychological closure with your past, and have clarity about your future

Discriminate and discern
I am in love with a girl who is 10 years older to me and married. I am madly in love with her and I know that its not infatuation its true love. I expressed my feeling to her and she told me that she can’t marry me but can be a very good close friend forever. I can’t marry another girl other than her, and I can’t live without her. Please advice me something as my life has become a hell. I can’t sleep or concentrate in anything.

The biological man in you is feeling attracted to a biological woman. That is a natural occurrence. But a human being is not just confined to his biology. He has been gifted with “discrimination”, something that animals do not possess. Use this power to discriminate and discern, and you will see for yourself that nurturing thoughts about this woman can only leave you psychologically de-stabilized with immense psychological scars.

You have got yourself into this emotional mess and now you have to actively get yourself out of it. The line between fantasy and reality is blurred in your case. Get out of your fantasy world immediately and step into reality. Stop craving the moon, it can never be yours. In the bargain, you are losing out on the joys of the earth. Do not nurse or nurture, but in fact ‘actively’ discourage thoughts of this woman. Fulfilling and meaningful relationships are awaiting you in the real world, if only you will open your eyes to them. Get socially active, join a few classes and mingle with people of your age.There are a lot of attractive young women of your age out there if only you will come out of your make-belief world. Make an active effort to be available to newer ‘real’ relationships. Also focus your energies on career-building and other creative pursuits. You have a long way to go, so work towards creating a fulfilling and meaningful life for yourself

Penis size issue
I am a 20 year old boy facing problems regarding my penis size . Though it is about 5.2 inches in length on erection, but it is too small & has very less girth when it is flaccid. Please help to increase the girth and length of my penis in its flaccid state.

There are no pills, injections, diets or techniques to increase the size of your penis. You also need to know that the size of the penis neither determines the pleasure of a male partner nor does it affect the pleasure of a female partner. Though all penises are different in their flaccid state, they become much more similar in size, when they get erect. In men, only the ‘Glans-penis’ is sensitive to erotic sensations. The shaft behind the glans is incapable of feeling erotic sensations. So the pleasure of the male partner does not depend on the entire length of the penis, but depends only on the sensitivity (and not the length) of the glans-penis. In women, only the outer 1/3 rd (about 2 inches) of the vagina is capable of experiencing sensations. In that case, if the erect penis is even two inches in length, it is adequate to satisfy the female partner.

Best sexual posture for maximum pleasure
What is the most common sexual position that married couples use during intercourse? Which is the best position for maximum pleasure for both husband and wife?

There are several different sexual positions that a couple can choose to use. The most prevalent one is known as the “missionary position”, where the male partner is on top of the female partner, with face-to-face interaction. Female superior or Woman-on-top is the second most preferred sexual position.

Each sexual position facilitates an exclusive opportunity to couple for physical and emotional expression. Matters such as mood, health, body weight, age, and pregnancy can determine which position will be the most preferred one at a particular instant. Stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse is easier with the female-superior (woman-on-top) position, either sitting upright or inclining off to the left or right. Woman-on-top position also facilitates the woman to be ‘active’ whereby it is easier for her to reach to her own orgasm. A lot of couples prefer a more intimate and relaxed interaction with the face-to-face, side-by-side position, allowing each partner to have a free hand to caress the other's body. For pregnant women, the ‘spoon position’ is often more comfortable, relieving pressure from her abdomen during intercourse. So most people experiment with many positions to decide what they find most desirable.

Choice of life partner
My parents are pressuring me to get married to a guy they have chosen. But I don’t like the guy and find him creepy. But the problem is that they have been trying to find a match for me since last few months, none of which worked out. So they think if they let go of this guy, I will not find a better match, because he is educated, earns a lot of money and is well-settled. But the thing is I really don’t think he is my type. I have met him a couple of times and haven’t liked his thinking. What should I do?

You owe it to yourself, the guy and your parents that you are completely honest about how you feel about this match. Communicate to your parents that while you understand their concerns over your marriage, it is equally important that you do not merely marry out of a sense of guilt over their concerns. We are sure your parents do not want you to be unhappily married, or then have a broken marriage if things do not work. Communicating the same to them might help them see the light.

On your part, it is important that since you are open to an arranged match, you give yourself and the guy (this guy or any other guy) adequate opportunity to know each other before concluding about compatibility.  Today it is easy to communicate via e-mail in order to understand views of each other on various issues. It is only after sufficient communication on relevant matters that one can truly assess compatibility. If you have sufficient evidence to point out incompatibility with the present guy, share it with your parents in a mature way, and point out those areas where things could go wrong for both of you.

If they truly care for your sustained happiness they will step back and look for a more compatible match.

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I am a 25 years boy. I did sex with my cousin aun
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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