Your partner is getting a transfer? Purva Indulkar tells you what you should take into consideration when deciding whether it’s a good idea to join them
The Gods have decided to put your happy, romantic relationship to the test. No more breakfasts in bed or late-night movie marathons. From now on, the only face time you get will be, well, Apple’s FaceTime. And, you’ll be forced to text each other with meaningless questions like ‘What did you have for lunch?’. But is this how it is going to be?
We apologise for this melodrama, but while all of us would love a fuzzy, cuddly relationship, there are certain situations that can really test your bond — and a sudden work transfer is at the top of this list. Maybe your partner’s boss decided to move them to a cooler, hipper city (say, London, because having the English shout at you is so cool!) to head the newly-opened branch. Or maybe, they’re moving to a more sober location (say, Kanpur) where the business is receding. Either way, you have to decide whether you want to stay in Mumbai and be in a long-distance relationship or get going come hell or high water. So, here’s a short quiz to help you figure out whether you should pack your bags and join them or stay grounded. But remember; this is merely a guide. The ultimate decision rests with you.
If you’re on the fence, our quiz will help you decide.
1) How long will your partner have to stay in the new city?
a) As soon as a certain deal is signed, they’re back and all mine.
b) Three years. That’s a major chunk of time. (Sigh!)
2) Do you think you’ll be comfortable in the city they are moving to?
a) No. I’ve spent my whole life in this city. I don’t want to invest my time getting to know another one.
b) Totally! New York is my dream destination! The Big Apple, here I come!
3) How committed are you to your partner?
a) Not very. We met a year ago and were considering getting serious.
b) We’ve been together for 10 years!
4) Do you have kids together?
a) We were trying to have one.
b) Yes, we have a six-year-old.
5) Do your in-laws (or future in-laws) think you should be together?
a) Yes. But, it’s not their decision; it’s mine (well, ours).
b) Yes. And in our family, they take the last call.
6) Can you resume your career in this new city?
a) Probably not. I’ve worked very hard to establish relationships with my clients and colleagues, so starting anew will be stressful.
b) Yeah. The work I do, I can do anywhere!
7) Are you close to your friends? Will being away from them affect you?
a) I am very close to my friends. They’re like my second family.
b) I’m an extrovert so I can make friends anywhere.
You should probably stay in Mumbai.
It looks like you’re not ready to take a giant leap of faith with your partner, and even if you are, you don’t seem as though you’ll be able to adjust to the massive change. First of all, you must take into consideration whether or not you and your partner have children. If you do, going to a new city and starting school there can be very difficult for them, especially if they’re in the adolescent bracket and they’ve already established a social circle here. Secondly, if you’ve worked at a job for a decade and are finally in line for a promotion, you shouldn’t let the opportunity pass you by. Even if you ignore other important elements that you must take into consideration while deciding a big move like this, you mustn’t ignore your gut feeling. If you don’t feel like joining your partner, let them know. Talk to them about how both of you can work your way around the distance. If you’re married, the underlying expectation from your in-laws (and sometimes your partner) will be that you should stay together; but if you’re not comfortable with that, then take a stand for yourself.
You should consider moving.
Maybe you’re partner is going for a good five years and staying away from them for such a long period sounds heartbreaking. Or maybe, your baby is still a toddler, so growing up in a different city will help give your little one an enriching childhood. Or perhaps, your job isn’t satisfying your creativity anymore and you need a change. Whatever your reasons are, if you want to move with your partner, we suggest you do it. While the initial months without any contacts in a new city will be difficult, as long as you’re together, we’re sure you’ll figure things out. You never know; the privacy might also help your relationship!