Every relationship comes with its own set of challenges, and sometimes they will seem like too much to move past. But, should you give up on your partner or fight for the relationship? Khevna Pandit helps you out
We all have bad days. In fact, sometimes we have terrible days. And, when it comes to a long-term relationship, ups and downs are pretty much a regular part of life. After you’ve passed the honeymoon phase, the real challenges begin. But, whenever you feel like throwing in the towel, remember that getting past the stressful phase right after all the proclamations of love is the most important step in your relationship. If you’re worn down, miserable or in a toxic relationship, we don’t expect you to stick around. However, don’t use every fight (even if it’s a big one!) as an excuse to run. If you’re having trouble figuring out whether it’s flight or fight time, consider these points before giving up on your partner and your relationship.
Talk the talk
Silly, isn’t it? When you’ve spent nights arguing with each other and yelling over the phone, talking seems like a feeble fix for your relationship. However, as strange as it sounds, it is quite important. Try to settle the squabble and acknowledge the issue by talking about it with your partner. Remember to be honest about how you feel, and urge your partner to do the same. There’s nothing that a good conversation can’t fix. You may even find your way out of the mess you think you’ve made.
Get couples therapy
If you can’t find common ground, consider getting help before you decide to quit on your relationship. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional help and a counsellor is trained to help people navigate through their relationship issues. While your therapist cannot fix all your problems, they will be able help eliminate negativity and pave the way for healthy communication. Consider enrolling in individual (or even group) therapy to get rid of anxiety and stress, if that’s affecting your relationship.
Remember the good times
It is perfectly alright for an initial flare up to fade away after a while. After all, real love is not just faith, trust and pixie dust; it’s more of a channel of compromise and understanding that will lead you through the difficult times in your life. If you feel as though the fire in your relationship is ebbing, make sure to fan it with memories of the good times and remind your partner why you fell in love and how it all began. Do all the things you used to do together and rekindle your romance with a fresh new perspective before you decide to walk out on it.
Look into the problem
It’s easy to walk out on someone, but how often do we fight for the things we want? Now more than ever, we seem to give up on things too easily. Take a step back, and try to analyse when you or your relationship went sour. There’s absolutely nothing that cannot be changed, fixed and worked on if you want it badly enough. Make a mental note of the positives and negatives and try and find solutions for things one at a time. Even though this may not fix your problem completely, it will give you the chance to think about it calmly and reconsider giving up on your partner.
Nothing kills a relationship faster than dishonesty. And yes, white lies and omissions count too! Make sure that your channels of communication are open and that you are completely honest before you make a decision based on your situation. It is important for you and your partner to answer each other’s questions before pointing fingers and accusing each other of things. The quickest route to a breakup is by lying, so make sure that you don’t have any potentially destructive secrets from one another.
Imagine your future together
While this may seem like another crazy idea, it is definitely an effective one. Imagining a future with your partner will give you an idea whether or not you still want to be with them for the long haul. The feeling of being away from your partner will evoke many emotions that will give you a fair idea of what you feel about them. Listen to yourself before making a hasty decision and don’t forget to think twice before you slam that door shut. After all, what is a great relationship without a few obstacles, right?