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Be the perfect wing woman

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Whether your friend is trying to move on from a breakup, score a date or is simply too shy to ask out a cute guy at the next table, here’s how to make it possible for her, says Pearl Mathias

You’ve probably heard of the word ‘wingman’ and know what it means. All the credit of setting their friends up with someone nice always goes to the boys. However, girls have been engaged in the same activity since time immemorial. Whether it’s the sneaking away to the powder room for a quick chat, the silent nods of approval or disapproval we exchange or simply giving her a pep talk before she walks up to the guy she’s been eyeing all evening, we already have our codes in place. But, there’s always room for improvement. Here are a couple of things to remember on your next girls’ night out that will make you the perfect wing woman.

An easy exchange
What do you do when your friend is eyeing someone, but he appears to be caught up in a conversation with his friend? Simple; after you walk up to them and introduce yourself, it’s time for you to get to work. Initiate conversation with the other person in order to give your friend space to work on her own game. Sometimes, you’ll have to take one for the team and deal with the annoying/ over-the-top/ pretentious other person. But remember, it’s part of the job.

Although it’s not that grave a situation to be rescued from, it’s never fun to be part of a conversation (provided you’re having one) that you’re barely interested in. When your friend is in such a crisis, no matter how much you’re enjoying your evening or the company, it is appropriate to get up and leave.

No hiding games
One or at the most two trips to the powder room are acceptable. You don’t want your friend to be gone for too long, which will make it difficult for the boy to find her again. It could also cause some disconnect between the two and so, it’s best to discuss everything that pops into your mind during your first trip itself. Save the rest for the way back home.

Build her up
You know how amazing and fun your friend is, but when faced with a crush, she may not feel the same. So, it’s up to you to charge her up before she approaches someone. A small compliment will go a long way in boosting her morale. And remember, the more confident she is, the more she’ll enjoy herself and you’ll have less damage control to worry about later.

Not the best time to match up
You’ll may be like twins on any other occasion, but avoid it when you’re playing wing woman to your best friend. Avoid dressing up like her or being too showy, and allow the spot light to shine on her for the night. Try not to say things excitedly at the same time (like you normally do), and don’t divulge stories about yourself, unless they include something fun about your friend that is worth sharing. So, let her shine and be liked for her unique personality.

It’s about what she wants
You may think that a particular guy is the perfect choice for your friend to spend the evening with. However, if things don’t seem to work out or if she’s just not into it, don’t force her. It’s up to her to decide who she wants to give her time to. Even if someone seems to you like a good match for her, your friend won’t necessarily see it that way. Remember to not overindulge on the pretext of initiating conversation with the guy in order to help your friend. It may backfire on you and your friend may mistake it for you being too interested instead of helping her out. So, take the hint and wait your turn. This night is about her. 

Pick up on signs
If your friend has managed to hit it off with someone she likes, it’s time for you to move out of the picture. She may want to tell you so herself, but since you’ve helped her through the night, she won’t tell you directly. If she indicates that she wants to stay a while longer when you want to leave, don’t make her cut short her night. You’ve done your part and you’ll know if you were successful when she calls you up later that night. For now, allow them to get to know each other better — alone. So, as soon as you notice that the conversation is getting on successfully without your intervention, graciously bow out.

Make your move
If your friend has hit it off with a guy and it’s time for her to leave, she may shy away from asking him to reach out to her again. It’s your turn to speak up. So, feed her number into his phone and let him know that she’s expecting him to get in touch with her. Don’t mind her dagger-like stares. She’ll be eternally grateful to you for this.

And, that’s not all
Although your major work is done by helping your friend, your job doesn’t end there. It’s your duty to follow up with her about every aspect of the night. Let her divulge the details and croon about his doe eyes for as long as she wants to. After all, next weekend, it will be your turn.

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I am a 31-year-old married man. I have a very goo
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)Try to work hard if you wish to achieve goals that you have set for yourself. Once that is done you will be an acknowledged winner. But you may have to take the initiative in sorting out an old issue with a co-worker. You will get the assistance you need. The ordeals and snags of everyday life can be stressful and affect you. However you can look forward to a relaxed evening with your mate or beloved.
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