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Heart To Heart

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Are all guys like that?
I am Sheetal (age 24). Me and my boyfriend have been going around for 3 yrs and we have been physically involved. My boyfriend says that he will marry me but every time we meet he wants to have sex? Is it normal? Whenever he is with me he gets an erection and he masturbates at least 3-4 times. He says he loves me very much. I am scared that he will eventually get tired of me and marry someone else. Is it normal for a guy to masturbate so many times? Is masturbation necessary for guys? Are all guys like that? Do married people have sex everyday?

Masturbation is common in boys at this age. Male sexuality is body-centered, which makes boys/men more prone to get physically intimate sexually.

It is true that your being easily available and his excessive sexual indulgence with you may make him lose interest in long-term, committed relationship such as marriage with you.

You also need to note that there is always a possibility of unwanted pregnancy in such intimate and frequent sexual encounters premaritally. I wonder what is stopping you from getting married. You say you are 24-year-old. This is the perfect age to get married.

Married people have sex as often as they mutually desire. It could be everyday!

He is still cheating on me
I have a problem, my husband and I are married five years, and he lives in Panama. We had a problem. I went unexpected
and caught him with another woman, I forgive him but still have doubt that he is still cheating on me. He said that he will be coming to live here some time and can give me a date. So could you tell how to deal with this situation?

It is important to know what your expectations from this marriage are. Are you okay with his extra-marital affair/s as long as you get something out of being in this marriage e.g. financial security, the label of marriage etc.? If yes, then I have nothing to say, but if not, then it is important that there be trust in the relationship with both parties being worthy of that trust (irrespective of the geographical distance). For that, getting into marriage counselling is a must. However, since it is not possible for both of you right away, you should go in for personal counselling to clarify your feelings, motivations and understanding in this matter.

Masturbation in girls
I am a 21 year old girl and have a bad habit since 3-4 years. Whenever I get an urge to urinate, I take a pillow between my legs and press it with my hands towards my body for some seconds. I got this habit because once I needed to control urine, but while doing so I enjoyed doing it…so I started doing it very frequently. Sometimes I get pain during urination due to this habit. Will this habit cause any harm to me in a long run?

What you have described in your question is nothing but one of the ways of masturbation in girls. All techniques of self-stimulation are collectively known as Masturbation. If you are not violent with the process and do it strictly in your privacy, maintaining proper hygiene, it will not cause any harm to you. Any frequency of masturbation is fine as long as you are not hurting your genitals and not overly obsessed with it to the point of ignoring other aspects of your life such as academics, career, relationships etc.
An aggressive mechanical rubbing during masturbation can cause urethral inflammation in females. An infection can then enter the inflamed urethra and bladder causing urinary infection. That is why you experience some kind of pain while urinating whenever you masturbate more frequently.

Mother’s concern
I have a steady boyfriend. I have sex very regularly with him. But once my mother saw us doing it and has been now forcing him to marry me. I don’t want to marry so soon as I am only 18. Even he is not ready for marriage. What shall I do?

I am sure that you can understand your mother’s concern for a young daughter. She is acting out of her protective instinct. You are only 18 and though you may be legally an adult, you have a lot of growing up to do emotionally. Sexual responsibility is not only confined to safe sex physically, but it also means being ready to emotionally relate with someone on such an intimate level. If for some reason your relationship does not work out in the long run, such prolonged involved intimacy could leave you emotionally scarred and de-stabilized just as a divorce leaves the married partners disturbed. Your mother is trying in her own way, to protect you from such a scenario by insisting on marriage. It would be good if you and your mother see a counsellor together to find a way out of this situation.

Nocturnal emission
I used to masturbate regularly for two years. I stopped it since last two months. Ever since I stopped masturbating I started getting wet dreams causing nightfall. Is there anything wrong with my reproductive system? How do I get myself treated for this ailment?

Wet dreams, Nightfall or ‘Nocturnal emission of semen’ are different names of the same phenomenon, and this phenomenon is perfectly normal. At the age of 12-13, the testes in boys start producing sperms. At this age boys start developing sexual attraction towards girls, and start discharging semen during sleep. This discharge is invariably accompanied by sexual dreams. This is a normal, natural, involuntary and uncontrollable response to sexual tension that gets built up within the body due to sex hormones. There is no reason to be worried, frightened or feel guilty about a wet dream. It happens with all men and is not a disease. It is completely harmless and has no ill effect on one’s health or manhood.

If you do not masturbate, then nightfall is inevitable. One of these two things have to happen.

A normal man produces at least 20 thousand sperms every minute; and the same number of old sperms die every minute. With this rate of production (spermatogenesis), one needs an outlet. Either one can ejaculate (through intercourse or masturbation) or then nightfall will happen naturally.

Neither nightfall is a disease nor masturbation. Both are harmless and physiological.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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