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Heart To Heart

Monday, June 18, 2018

Follow Your Heart
I want to take up the career in 'Psychology'. My father is a businessman. He wants me to get degree in Commerce, which doesn't interest me at all. I love my father. I don't want to displease him. He has done a lot for me. But at the same time I don't want to take a career that I don't like. What should I do?

Your father has lived his life and you have to live your own. I am sure your father has the best of intentions at heart as all other well-meaning parents. But, you can only be the best of who you are, and not the best of who he wants you to be. If Psychology is truly your passion and your calling, so be it. Get into it and give it your very best. When your father sees your joy and passion, how could he not be happy for you? But if he stubbornly sticks to his stance, then he and only he is responsible for his own unhappiness. You need to follow your heart and fulfill the purpose of your life. Of course, it is important for you to be sure of your own interest in Psychology. If you are sure, then dedicatedly pursue your goals without looking back.

Clitoral Complex
I have a wonderful husband, but we once watched a porn movie and I am now very self-conscious because I have a small clitoris. I feel like a freak. Is there anything I can do to make it protrude more? Can it affect my ability to experience orgasm?

You are not so different as you seem to be thinking! What you are distressed about is the same thing that I have quite often heard from a lot of young men who watch porn movies. They see the nude male porn stars with massive penises and feel that their penis does not measure up. But this is the very first time I am coming across a woman ask me the ‘size’ query vis-à-vis her clitoris. My answer, however, is going to be similar.

Porn movies are not mirrors of real life! In porn movies they deliberately choose men who have unusually large penises, which is not the norm, and it is very likely that the clitoris you saw in that porn movie wasn't typical either, and the size you saw was also probably due to the use of special zoom lenses, camera angles and specialized filming techniques.

Remember, just as the size of a man's penis doesn't make him a better or worse lover, the size of your clitoris has nothing to do with your sexual capability. You can experience orgasms irrespective of the size of your clitoris - big or small - and if you are not able to achieve orgasms, remember, it is definitely not because of the size of your clitoris.

When it is Difficult to Trust
I am 24 year old.... single and depressed. My trust has been betrayed so often by close ones... I now find it difficult to trust any more..... Help

Any intimate relationship is based on love and trust. It is not normally questioned in the relationship, because its presence in the relationship is normally assumed.  One does not live in a relationship suspecting betrayal of this love and trust. Such a betrayal of trust strips you of everything you thought you knew. Now you are left asking yourself the question all the time, ‘What’s true? Is this true? Should I believe it?’ After such betrayal it takes a long time to come to some sense and have some rationale in your thoughts. Despite this, one should never get into a shell, but risk being a little vulnerable. This brings great rewards; or else you will miss out on love & life. And opportunities of meaningful relationships will simply pass you by. “Not taking a risk is the biggest risk of all”.

Sexual Position and Conception
We got married four months back. We are eager to have a child. Which is the ‘ideal’ position of intercourse for conception to happen? Secondly, after he ejaculates inside me how long does he have to stay inside me? Thirdly, after we have had sex, do I have to keep my legs up? How long does it take for the sperm to go inside? Fourthly, can I wash myself up after sex? Fifthly, what are the best days for having sex?

If the penis is in the vagina and ejaculation happens, then ANY position is OK for conception. He need not stay inside you for any specific duration after ejaculation for conception to take place.

You need not keep your legs up. Sperms can swim in any direction, even against gravity. You can wash yourself normally after sex. Never try to wash your vagina from inside at any time, whether you wish to conceive or even otherwise.

Have sexual intercourse on alternate days from the 10th. to the 22nd. day of the menstrual cycle.

Give a Voice to Your Feelings
I am 21-year-old boy. I am studying in college and quite popular among girls but I am of a somewhat shy nature. A girl knows me from the past 2-3 years and it seems is interested in me and I am hesitant to make the first move from the last few years. If a girl keeps staring at you and looks around for you, to see if you are around, which was seen by me by hiding myself; what do I make out from that? Is she interested in me? Is she inclined for a friendship? How do you read it? I wanted to ask you if it will be appropriate to go to a girl after 3 years of knowing her and tell that I like her. What do u think? Is it too late or do I still have a chance?

Well, you will never know until you ask her, will you? Don’t keep playing guessing games ~ She loves me , she loves me not. You may either be reading too much into her actions because that is what you want to believe, which could leave you nursing a broken heart soon.

It is never too late to give a voice to your feelings. On the other hand, she may be interested and waiting for you to express your feelings... for your first move. But if this is not so, then at least you would have known. That will leave you free to move on. As far as your chances are concerned, who can tell! In either case, you need to break the suspense for yourself by mustering up the courage to talk to her.  Life comes to those who live it !

Do get on with life with or without her is all we can say.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
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Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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