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Heart To Heart

Monday, July 10, 2017

Emotional intimacy first
I am 26 years old. I am getting married in this year. I was wondering what is ithe mportance of sex in a healthy relationship? If it is important, is there something that I need to do as a woman to improve my relationship with my husband? Please advise.

Physical intimacy is a significant relationship meter of a man-woman relationship. It is said that if the sex is good, then it forms only 10% of the relationship, but if the sex is absent or bad then it forms 90% of the relationship. In a healthy relationship, physical intimacy is built on the foundation of emotional intimacy, and there is an integration of love and sex. It is also important for both, the man and the woman, to mutually enjoy the act of intimacy, with neither one compelling the other into any unnatural or unacceptable act. I would advise you to either consult a sex counselor to have a sex education session, or then read a reputed book on sex education, to be more informed. It is recommended to not rush into physical intimacy, but to get to know each other, feel comfortable and emotionally intimate with each other, so that such emotional intimacy naturally culminates into physical intimacy. Further, it is important for both you and your partner to freely and frankly communicate your likes and dislikes in the act of intimacy, so that it is mutually satisfying and fulfilling.

Experimenting with different positions
My wife and I have experimented with different positions during sex, and it is important to me that she receives maximum pleasure from our times of intimacy. Is there one position that provides the best stimulation for women?
The process of sexually enjoying with one another is not rigid and stagnant, but continually changing and flowing. Thus it is good to know that you are trying out different positions. It appears as if you have the choice and freedom to experiment and enjoy with each other, but you are more keen to maximize enjoyment for your wife.

Finally, your wife is the best authority on what is most gratifying for her. You can initiate by gently practicing some more experimentation to collect data about what makes her experience maximum pleasure. After discovering the same, you can add those elements to your love making to maximize the enjoyment during intimacy.

Conventionally, the man-on-top position is assumed during intercourse. However, this might not result in the correct stimulation of the clitoris (pleasure point) of the woman. However, in the female-superior position, she can adjust the angle of her body and the position of her legs to get the maximum stimulation.

If your wife wishes to achieve orgasm during intercourse, experimenting with different positions will help you to enhance that possibility, providing that the goal does not distract both of you from the pleasure of enjoying each other's bodies.

It is very important for both of you to develop an attitude of openness that is mutually comfortable. Strictly avoid insisting with your wife to try newer positions to enhance her pleasure. If she is satisfied, let her be the authority on what she needs and wants for her own sexual pleasure.

Status and relationship
I met a girl last year in June when I joined my computer institute. Actually she is the younger sister of the counselor of that institute and at that time I had a little chat with her. And I really liked the confidence and her charming nature and I got attracted to her but could not tell her since our class timings were different and I didn’t have time to come during her timing. So that’s why I somehow got her mail id and told her everything about what I feel about her...and she accepted my friendship and replied to all my mails....but now her course is complete and she no more comes to institute...

Well rite now she is out of station and will come may be in February... and I want to know how to deal with her as her status is far better than mine and she is so confident and I really don’t know when she will come in front of me then how should I react...please doctor help me by telling that how should I react and what gift should I give to her when she will return to Mumbai..

I have no inkling of your age, but since you mention the computer institute, I presume that you are in the career-building phase of your life. You have also mentioned the difference in status. As far as having a friendship is concerned there seems to be no real problem as she has so far been responding positively to all your friendly overtures via email. However, if you are thinking of a more seriously involved long-term relationship then you need to focus on career-building very seriously. Remember, every relationship brings responsibilities with it. Your difference in status is very real and though money does not buy happiness, it is definitely a necessity in the real world. Therefore, you can continue your friendship but start including your career plans in your conversations. Let her see that you are a responsible and mature person who understands the responsibilities of life. If she has a liking for you, then such meaningful and responsible conversations could warm her up to the possibility of a long-term relationship with you in spite of the current difference in status.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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